What I Did On My Holidays (Part One)

The Emster and I went to England for a 9 day 'holiday' last week. I was mainly back for some Carter gigs I had been working on for months. How did the gigs go? What else did I get up to? What was the Emster doing? All the answers are here... Stay tuned for part two later on in the week.

Friday November 14

The Emster and I went to the gym in the morning (we are still into the fitness). We then pottered around the house before driving to the airport for our flight home. Upon check-in we found out they had changed our plane to an older model and we were now sitting in a row of four. We always book a row of two so I was most disgruntled with this! I hate sitting next to strangers so I asked for two seats together as I had originally picked on the online check in. There weren’t any left though. I got cross and told them that they were rude to just change our seats without telling us. I decided to pay $110 for the extra legroom seats after much debate with the staff. It was worth every penny and it meant you don’t have to deal with those people that love to put their seat back as soon as you are up in the air. I watched ‘Step Brothers’ which was ace. I think I got a good solid five hours sleep too which was nice.

Also on our flight were Crystal Palace chairman and his actor friend/slave Nick Moran.

Saturday November 15

Even though our flight left on time we spent hours circling at Heathrow due to ‘air congestion’. This makes my ears pop and I don’t like it. When we eventually landed it was nearly one in the afternoon. I had to be in North London for 3pm so I could see my first Arsenal game in ages. I left Emma with the bags (luckily Mr. Furness was picking her up) and I bolted it to the Heathrow Express. It was 2pm and I could still make it on time. London hasn’t changed though and the Circle Line wasn’t running due to engineering works. I had to get on another line and run as fast as my legs would carry me. I eventually got to the ground in the nick of time and met up with George who had my ticket.

Typically it was the worst game I have seen in fifteen years (seriously). We lost 2-0! Even when we lose we normally have more chances than the other team, and we play some decent stuff. Today we were moribund though. Oh well, it was good to be back and watching the Arse. At half time I popped down to see the people who I used to sit with. It was nice to see them but as mentioned before they were more than happy to have my brother Jon there instead.

After the match Jon and I went out on the beers both in Arsenal and Balham. I must have had about ten pints overall. I don’t really drink a lot these days but I was on fine form and it was great to see Jon. We were joined later on by my mate Jez (who owns a flat with Jon) and the night carried on. I treated myself to chips in a pitta bread on the way home. I got back past midnight as Emma and her sister Felicity were returning from their nights out too. I passed out on the sofa watching X-Factor with them. I had been up for 24 hours or something so this was allowed.

Sunday November 16

I had a good eight hours sleep and I had no hangover. Or indeed jet lag. What a Ronnie Result! As mentioned before I have never got this jetlag thing. I have felt a bit tired before but that is it. The trick is that whatever time you land, and how ever much sleep you have had on the plane you must stay up until your bedtime and not fall asleep. If you do this you will get a good eight hours sleeps, and by the time you awake the next morning your body will be back to normal.

Today we were visiting the in-laws to celebrate Felicity Furness’ birthday. We hadn’t hired a car for this trip so we had to get the train to the village in Kent where Emma’s parents live. The journey should have taken forty five minutes or so. It of course didn’t as this is England we are talking about. Even though the train website thingy said otherwise there were engineering works galore which meant a barrage of replacement buses, misinformation from rail staff and lots of hanging around in the cold and rain. The last bus we were on took an hour to go about five miles.

Eventually we were saved by Mr. Furness who drove to get us from some random station, the name of which I forget. I have never seen Emma get so cross. She is now used to good LA service. And the thing about LA is that even though the public transport is minimal what they do have works very well (not that I have ever used it, but that’s what people tell me). Emma ended up shouting at a ticket seller when we realized we would have to get about six trains and ten buses. This is very unlike the Emster but all she wanted to do was see her family. Luckily we still had a very nice afternoon once we finally arrived.

We were also joined by Grandma Furness, as well as Vicki & award winning photographer Gary. Gary is getting a little too big for his boots now he is famous though. He not only had two main courses but I am sure he had the biggest bit of dessert. That it was what fame does to you. It will be heroin and three bottles of brandy a day next.

Before we knew it the afternoon had passed too quickly and it was time to go home. The journey back was a lot better as we went a different route. We spent the evening watching Strictly Come Dancing, I’m a Celebrity and Britannia High. I had beans on toast for tea. I miss baked beans, they don’t have them here in America Land. Emma and I started to watch ‘Fight Club’ after Felicity went to bed but by midnight we were tired and needed sleeps.

Monday November 17

I woke up at 9am and had some toast for breakfast. Mr. Spoons was picking me up at around 11am as Carter were playing a secret warm up gig in Southampton today to only 150 people. It was also a tribute to a promoter they knew called Mint who sadly died recently. He was one of the only nice guys in the industry and he put on Carter early on in their career. It was lovely to see Neil when he picked me up, we then got Mr. Bob from his house before going to Brixton to get Les. Due to a late t-shirt delivery we had to wait a while around Les’ but we still made good time down to Southampton. We arrived just after 3pm, and the boys soundchecked and all that gubbins.

It was good to meet our new lighting man Nic, and Helen who was doing the sound (as she did back in Carter’s day). Both of these crazy cats were doing the big shows later in the week so this was all a really good run through for the main events. It was also lovely to catch up with all those people I hadn’t seen for ages (Richy, Sam, Ben and the great Chris T-T of course).

Sadly I didn’t get to see any of the gig! I may have help arranged and sort out these gigs, but this often means you don’t actually get to watch them. I had arranged well in advance to do the merch with Mr. Spoons, I pictured us doing some sort of t-shirt selling tag team. Neither of the Carter lads told me though that they wanted him for security instead. This meant I was left to do it by myself as it was too late to get someone else to help me. And unfortunately the merch stand was in a totally different room to the gig so all I heard was a muffled noise.

I wondered to myself if other great music managers like that Brian Epstein missed the Beatles at Shea Stadium as he was on the t-shirt stall too. What made it all worse was that even though I wasn’t drinking alcohol I still really needed a wee during the gig. I couldn’t leave the stall though because there were some people milling around, and I’ve learnt not to trust anyone. Eventually a member of bar staff helped me out (by manning the stall) before I had an accident.

It was great to see my ace friends Pat and Pippa (who I have missed a lot in the states) as well as all the dudes off the Carter forum. They all seemed really excited about the gig, and I think they were chuffed to be at something so special.

After the gig Mr. Spoons then told me there had been new plans and I wasn’t traveling back with him. Perhaps I smelt that day? Instead I traveled back with Jakki (Jim’s missus) which was fine. At least I wasn’t walking back. I was happy to get home, even though it was now around 3am in the morning. The gig had gone well, and it had meant a lot to a lot of Mint’s friends. But for one reason and another I didn’t really enjoy the day as much as I thought I would. Oh well… it was Christmas the next day. Yes, that is right – Christmas.

In Part Two – An early Christmas, Pizza for lunch and more Carter.

Having the runs...

As you all know I have been training dead hard for the LA marathon. It’s been going really well and it’s fair to say I have never had this level of physical fitness before. I am fitter than lots of fiddles. I went for a thirteen mile run along the beach the weekend before last and I found it jolly easy. I’m not showing off, well perhaps I am a little bit. I think I deserve to be a bit boastful though. I really have spent over half a year on working really hard. I have always loved running but I have never given it this dedication or effort. I have lost well over a stone in weight, I have cut down the alcohol I drink and I eat a lot better food. A few years ago running the Windsor Half Marathon was a real challenge. It was great to know that I could run the same distance as that on a training run now.

Yesterday I felt this was all for nothing. It wasn't a broken ankle or something, but a mere electronic message that caused this pain. An email popped into my inbox to tell me that the powers that be had decided to move the marathon date from early March to late May. My heart well and truly sank. I could have had a little cry (I didn’t though as I am a strong man). The point is though that I will be back in England by this date and I am going to miss it. Unless I pay a load to fly back there is no way little old me can run in the marathon.

I was a bit shocked and stunned and I wasn’t sure how to deal with this news. I handled it by doing the only thing I can do these days to relieve the stress – I went for a run! Oh, the irony. I was a bad boy though. I was down to do 8 miles on my training schedule but I only did 7. That will teach those bastards who run the LA marathon I thought to myself. I will also get my hundred dollars entry fee refunded which I may spend on sweets.

So what do I do now? I guess I’ll have to enter some marathon back home. Nothing will be as good as doing the LA one though. It would have finished my year here quite nicely. Oh well, it could be worse. I guess I could be a little Ethiopian child having to cope with both famine and a visit from Lenny Henry.

It was the election last week. Obama (and Bin Laden I think it is) got in and the whole world seemed quite pleased. I enjoyed watching the coverage and being part of things. I couldn’t vote of course but that didn’t really matter. I just put on my brilliant American accent and went around saying “Obama and Bin Laden has my vote”. I got some funny looks, I’m not sure why. Perhaps my accent wasn’t up to scratch?

The result was a bit spoilt here in LA though as in another vote the people of California decided to ban gay marriage. I actually felt very sorry for the gays and felt it was quite a regression of attitudes. The shouty people on the news that opposed it were going on about the great tradition and sanctity of marriage. Well if that’s the case put your money where your mouth is and ban divorce. If marriage is that precious and sacrosanct then treat it as such. That is what I say to them! I think it was 53% of people voted against gay marriage fact fans. It is bonkers to think that over half the people here don’t think a big section of society should have equal rights.

There has been lots of protests since this result was announced, and sadly here is where the gays have let themselves down. They decided to have a protest march last Wednesday late afternoon and evening. This created traffic chaos and a lot of people took ages to get home from work. Some jams didn't move for hours. I was luckily going the other way but I was still delayed a bit.

If you want the support and sympathy of people I would advise that creating traffic jams is not the right way to go about it. People are selfish by nature, and making them late for their tea is 

bad news city. I am a fan of the gays (after all The Pet Shop Boys are my third favourite band/act of all time). The gays will test my patience though if they keep on blocking Santa Monica Boulevard. They should stick with weekend protests instead I reckon. It isn't great to be held up on a weekend either but it is the lesser of two evils. Their mantra should be “We are gay and proud but we should not make the heterosexual man late for his dinner.” If they stick to that they will be able to get married again in no time at all I reckon.

Emma and I go back to London on Friday for ten days. Carter USM are playing some gigs which I have helped organize. It will also be a great chance to catch up with family and friends. My mum is throwing an early Christmas Day and this year the Ollington’s will celebrate Christmas on 18th November. Don’t expect a blog entry next week therefore. I’ll be too busy not only gigging it but remembering the birth of the little baby Jesus. I can not wait for my early Christmas dinner. I am so excited I did a little dance to myself there. You wouldn’t have seen it but it was a kind of robotic move that would have gone done well in the eighties.

I am also going to see Arsenal too. I have been away from The Arsenal for too long. In my years absence my brother, little Jon Ollington, has loaned my season ticket. From reports I have got all the people I sit with have grown to like Jon a lot, and they now prefer him to me. It’s ruddy typical isn’t it? People always prefer the younger and prettier model. I bet the ipod is dead jealous of the iphone for example. People now want to listen to mp3s, do an email and make a call all at the same time. How quickly you fall out of favour for the new version…

My only problem with iphones is that the internet on them seems to be dead slow. There is nothing worse than being out and about and some dude will say “look at this great clip from youtube, it’s a cat walking on two legs while blowing fire from his bottom”. You then pretend to be interested in seeing this clip (manners cost nothing) until you realize it takes seven hours for the clip to buffer. You then sit there craning your neck for ages waiting to see this ‘hilarious’ clip on a screen the size of a credit card.

I digress, It’s bonkers to think that when we get back to LA after our home visit I will only have just over three months of work left before we leave for good. We won’t be back in London Town until April though as the plan is to tour some more of the states after we have finished here. I wonder if our flat will be worth more than ten pounds by then?

Before I go I would like to do some of those congratulation type things. My sister got engaged to her boyfriend Neil the other week. They are having a winter wedding next year which will be something to look forward too. I have told her to make sure that whatever building they get married in is warm though. I am not used to British weather anymore so a wedding in December will be a shock to the system. Anyways, regardless of potential venues and their heating concerns a big congrats to the both of them.

And lastly my brother-in-law Gary has just won The Sunday Times Landscape Photographer of the Year. How cool is that? Not only is it a dead prestigious prize but he has won lots of money too. I have a feeling he will treat me to something nice as I have always supported him over the years. You can see the photo here: http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/visual_arts/article1489138.ece
You will note that in the award winning photo is a dog. What makes this even better is that I actually not only know Gary but I know the dog too. He is called Barney and we have hung out on quite a few occasions. He has even stayed over at Emma and I’s London pad. On one occasion it was such a crazy night that Barney did a piddle on our floor. He was a lot younger then though and not used to the crazy rock n’ roll type vibe that we have in London Town. I am delighted for both Gary, and Barney.

I reckon that is it for today. I’ll tell you all about the fun and adventures we had with our latest visitors soon. It’s a non stop social merry-go-round for Emma and I, and sometimes we are too dizzy to step off.

Marc x

Emma, Sue and Neil & Marc Too.

I think I’m starting to take over Marc’s mantle as writer for the Ollington Oracle. He claims he is working too hard to write the blog at the moment! I can’t believe it’s already November and almost Christmas time. I can’t wait for Christmas. In fact this year I can’t wait for Thanksgiving, Christmas and even New Year’s Eve for once! Marc and I are heading to Vegas to see in 2009, it’s going to be brilliant.

Anyways enough of wishing time away, I thought I should fill you in on Mr. & Mrs. Spoons LA trip. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Spoons is in fact Neil Witherow, and Mrs. Spoons is his wife Sue. Neil has worn (and indeed wears) many hats in life, not only was he Crystal Palace’s official mascot (where he had to dress up as an eagle!) but he is known to many fans as Jim Bob’s right hand man. On tours he does everything from driving, to tuning guitars, to doing the lights and being the security! The list goes on! All Marc does on tour is eat crisps and drink full fat coke. Neil also designs websites, has edited a top football fanzine, does database management and best of all he is also a top wedding DJ.

Sue is also a lady of many talents. She has the best mortgage brokers business in town. In fact Marc and I, and many of our friends, have all relied on her to sort out our mortgages and to handle all the insurance malarkey that it entails. She is a demon at the mortgages and got us the best deal around. You tell Mrs. Spoons you want a mortgage and the next thing you know you have your own home. She is the best. I think I’ve bigged them up enough so on to their trip. We were extremely excited about them coming out to visit. The excitement reached ‘fever pitch’ when collecting them at the airport we bumped in to Nick Hornby and Matt Lucas as Neil and Sue had been hobnobbing with them on their flight. Their trip was off to a flying start! (How many puns can Emma get in? – Marc)

As we had such a jam packed week I thought I’d give you my top ten highlights of their trip (in no particular order).

1. Doubletree Bar - Neil and Sue were staying in a hotel just down the road from our place. This was to become our home from home as every night we ended up at the Doubletree Hotel bar enjoying a nightcap. It would normally be just us in there. The bartender would pretend not to mind us rolling in every night just as it was closing, thereby forcing her to keep it open and stay later. We weren’t happy one night mind to get back and discover a whole host of people in there, in our favourite seats. Luckily these new found patrons didn’t last long and it was back to us being the sole occupants of the Doubletree Jazz Lounge. Come to think of it though, I never saw one bit of Jazz in there.

2. Presents – Now obviously we’re not just bigging up their trip as they bought us presents but they did come supplied with some ace stuff. Lots of lovely English chocolate bars. I hate American chocolate and have discovered that this is because it’s made with sour milk, not proper milk like back home. Hence why it tastes horrible. Sue came supplied with lots of magazines for me and they had kindly got Marc the new Russell T Davies book. This was met with near on hysteria from Marc. Neil told him he wasn’t allowed to start reading it until after they’d left as otherwise he wouldn’t be able to put it down and we’d not see Marc for the rest of the week. Marc managed to restrain from reading it for all of 2 hours. I had to force it out of his hands most nights in order for him to go to sleep. He’d already finished it before they left.

3. Neil’s beach cruiser experience – We decided to hire bikes one day and cycle up the coast to a restaurant on the edge of Malibu for lunch. Neil decided to hire a proper beach cruiser (the ones where you cycle backwards to brake). It looked the bomb and all seemed good as we set off. The bike path along the beach is pretty much flat all the way, bar a couple of tiny minor inclines. It was here that Neil discovered an issue with his bike. Any sort of uphill motion would for some reason make the brakes come on and bring Neil to a complete standstill. Neil therefore had to take any hills extremely slowly whilst we all waited patiently for him, trying not to laugh too much.

4. Lunch with George Clooney – Well sort of. This took place at the aforementioned restaurant in Malibu. We were relaxing with cocktails when Sue overheard a nearby table saying George Clooney was here. Obviously we acted cool and unbothered and tried to nonchalantly gaze around the restaurant to spot him. Unfortunately we couldn’t see him anywhere so after a delicious meal we decided to head back. Typically as we were hopping on to our bikes we heard them call out “George, your table is now ready”. So close, but yet so far….

5. The Number plate game – Neil always seems to have some sort of number plate game for whatever country he is in. It was therefore no surprise to learn he had a US version. For this game you had to see a number plate from every state. A very hard feat to accomplish I tell you. Somehow I got completely hooked on this game and started avidly looking at every number plate. During our bike ride, we spotted a plate that Neil didn’t have but we couldn’t be sure as the car sped off. Due to Neil’s bike not being the fastest of machines he uttered the cry of “Em – follow that car!” so off I sped after it on my bike. I have never cycled so fast in my life. I felt like James Bond. But a girl version and on a bike, not in a super douper Aston Martin. After several minutes I started to gain on him (as he began to slow down to be honest, not due to my speed) he then did a U turn and went straight back past me and parked up. I needn’t have bothered! But it was a State we didn’t have so it was high fives all round. Neil didn’t manage to see all 50 states during his stay, so has passed on the list to me to see if I can get the remaining few. I’ve only found one since he left – I think I need to up my game.

6. Cocktails at the Penthouse – There’s a lovely bar opened up in Santa Monica called the Penthouse which resides at the top (as you probably guessed) of a very plush hotel, overlooking the Santa Monica and Malibu coastline. It’s a lovely place to have a few cocktails, take in the sunset and people watch. It’s also where you find a lot of the stereotypical LA people i.e. Plastic Fantastic. We estimated that at least 50% of the people in there had had some work done, and while in the restrooms you would hear ladies discussing their ‘friends’ bodged facelifts. Brilliant.

7. LA Galaxy game sans Beckham – Anyone who knows the Witherows will know they like a bit of football, so Marc had sorted us out tickets to see LA Galaxy. It was going to be an interesting game as Beckham wasn’t playing, and Donovan wouldn’t be playing for much of the game due to International call ups so we were keen to see how the team coped without their Chief. They didn’t disappoint. It was an exciting game, made even more so with copious amounts of beer throughout the game, free hot dogs, free footballs and the final contestants for the Miss LA Galaxy title vying for our votes. That last one was obviously more interesting for the boys than Sue and I.

8. Converting Neil in to an X Factor Fan – Marc and I have to confess that we do still watch X Factor even though we’re over here. We can’t help it. We love it. Sue is also a fan. So after getting back from the LA Galaxy game we decided to head back to our place and order a takeaway and watch the latest X Factor installment. Neil ‘claimed’ he hated the show but was happy for us to watch it as Marc had given him Doctor Who books to read instead. For someone who disliked the show he seemed to enjoy commenting on the performances as much as the rest of us and I have a feeling that Doctor Who book was a front. I think his favourite act was Daniel. We all know the truth Neil, stand up and be proud of your love for the X Factor!

9. Dinner at Gordon Ramsey’s new LA restaurant – Neil and Sue very kindly took us out to Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant “The London” on their last night. We couldn’t wait to go and it was definitely the highlight of the week for me. It’s part of this swanky hotel over in West Hollywood and had received rave reviews since it opened. Well some reviews had complained the portion sizes were too small, but this is Americans who are used to an average portion being able to serve a family of 5 for a week we’re talking about. Sue just emailed me to tell me it’s just received a Michelin star. Well deserved I say. The setting was gorgeous; with views out over Hollywood and a few Hollywood actors thrown in to boot (we all recognized a couple but none of us knew their names – impressive stuff hey?) We decided to opt for the 7 course tasting menu. They let Marc change the first course of Sweetcorn soup for an almond soup - as I’m sure you have all heard Marc’s thoughts on sweetcorn being the work of the devil, so we knew we were on to a winner. The food was fantastic and truly delicious. The only course I didn’t like was one of the two dessert courses – an orange pudding thing. But that is only because I’m not a great fan of oranges so I can’t hold this against them. The service was superb and we’ve even promised to bring one of the waiters a box of Oatabix over from the UK for him.

10. Neil and Sue – ‘Nuff said.

I did aim to keep this blog short but as you can see I failed miserably. Will leave it to Marc next time.

Emma x