I Feel The Earth Move

When you move to California people say that you should be prepared for an earthquake. I am one of those people that say politely “Yes! You are right, I shall be prepared should one occur. I will get myself a survival kit and read up what to do”. In reality though I am not really planning to do any of this and instead I am mulling over what I would like for my tea that night. It’s not that I’m being rude (well, I am a little, but not intentionally) it’s just that I can never really visualize a real earthquake happening when I am present. I always miss big things, whether natural disasters or big horrible events. This is a good thing, don’t get me wrong but surely there was as much chance of little old me being in an earthquake as there is Spurs finishing in the top four?

It was thus very begrudgingly that I took out earthquake insurance when we got our little bungalow out here. Once again I pondered to myself that it was a waste of money. The sensible part of me won though in the end and we got the insurance. Actually this is a bit of a lie. Emma told me that we had to get the insurance and that I was being a tight arse. She was right and we now pay something like sixty dollars a quarter in case of earthquake damage.

I am getting off the point though dear reader by talking about insurance. I now need to paint you a scene. This is where the exciting part of the blog occurs. So, it was mid morning and I was busy as a lot of bees making a really big order of honey. I was working on a marketing plan for one of our top new shows and I was thinking dead hard, so much so that my brain was actually throbbing a bit. Then all of a sudden I thought I had ruptured the aforementioned brain as the room started to shake a bit. I then had the idea that somebody was jumping up and down on the ceiling of my office. I was just about to bang the ceiling and shout “What the blazes are you doing? I have a marketing report to work on” when I noticed that actually the whole office was shaking from side to side. My mind then went blank. This is not the first time this has happened, but when I regained my composure I thought “What in the blazes is going on? Is it the end of the world?”

It then dawned on me that I was living in California and this was a ruddy earthquake. At this point I got quite scared because surely they didn’t last this long? This earthquake had been going on for a minute at least (it was a rolling one I later found out). The building I was in was very visably swaying from side to side and it showed no sign of stopping. Eventually though it came to an end (of course it did, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this). I looked at my hands and they were covered in sweat and I had gone white. I walked out my office to see my colleagues hid under their desks. I think that is what I was meant to do rather than just sit there being all confused.

They all came out from their hiding places and everyone asked me if I was ok. They realized I was an earthquake virgin and could see I was concerned. I was quite touched by the American's being concerned for their engish cousins. Someone tried to hug me but I explained I was sweating a bit with fear and that I wouldn't if I was them. Our intern Colin is from the East Coast, and he too had never had an Earthquake moment before. We talked about it like excited schoolboys now we were less scared, but more excited. I was told that the quake measured 5.8. This means that it’s a big old one, but luckily not big enough to kill people and stuff.

I rung Emma as she was at home by herself. Luckily she wasn’t too shaken by it, and like me she hadn’t realized that it was an earthquake for a while. When she did she stood in a doorway as someone told us that this was a safe place. We have since found out that in fact you shouldn’t do this but instead you should go under a table or something. For purposes of the reconstruction photos that you can see above and to the side Emma is indeed under a table. This though is poetic license but it made for a better picture than her being stood under a doorway.

I asked if there had been any damage. Emma said that some things had fallen over but luckily nothing had broken. I was a bit annoyed about this as I had earthquake insurance (as you all well know from the opening couple of paragraphs) and I would like to have claimed on it. This wasn’t to be.

Hopefully in the rest of our time here we won’t get a bigger one. It made the news and everything (and even got reported back home) but we all lived. This quake was certainly powerful enough to show nature’s force and all that jazz so it was enough. I really don’t want to experience what the locals call the ‘big one’. This would see the whole city destroyed and LA would come to a standstill. David Crabtree at work says this will deffo happen by 2012 and LA will be a bit like a post apocolyptic world. If I am here when this happens I will loot a machine gun I think and become a bit like The Terminator in order to get back home.

Until next time….

Marc x

Guns Of Brixton

Hello there,

It's Tuesday and I'm four days late with a 're-visited' blog, let alone a new one. I am coming back to England for a few days next Tuesday. I shall do a new entry before then, don't you all worry. But until then have a peep into what was going on in my life in February 2007... I have put my new comments in bold as brackets weren't working that well, as I had sometimes used brackets for other things in the original blog. It's crazy I tell you.

Marc x

Guns of Brixton

My blogs are very rare. More rare than a steak that not only has not been cooked but is actually still a cow. But anyway I digress and I am here firstly to talk about London. (Crazy eh? A mere few days before I come back home after 5 months away I am writing about my home town. It was like my trip home was meant to be, or something). I have been here over ten years and I am starting to think its time to move on (And I did, over a year later. Some would say changing countries is a bit crazy but there you go. I not one to do things by the half, or even three quarters) When I was in my twenties I loved London and I didn't want to be anywhere else. I loved the hustle and bustle, it was great that it was busy all the time too. Where else in this country do you have a choice of 100 gigs a night, or a 100 plays or as many restaurants, clubs, museums - or anything you can think of? Even when I was a bit poorer than I am now I always found something to entertain me. This may have been getting free tickets and going on 'London Tonight' to debate with Nicky Campbell about sex aids (true story) or it may have just been going for long walks and exploring this massive, crazy City. But sadly now London Town gets me down.

There are various reasons why. The fact that the public transport system is so rubbish doesn't help but its more to do with the fact that even though I am out a lot I now like being in more. I could get a house rather than a flat if I moved out in London - and I would like that. And at times I don't feel safe. London is bonkers in that you are in a 'good' area one second but then a street later you are in a bad area and before you know it you are being beaten to a pulp. I was getting the bus from outside Brixton station on Sunday night. I wouldn't normally get a bus from Brixton station as I always get hassled by dealers or smack addicts but I had too. I was getting back from North to South London but loads of tube and train lines I would normally get where all having sodding engineering works (!) So a bus from Brixton was my only option.

Whilst waiting for the bus some drug type dudes basically demanded some money from me. It was a joy to see everyone else in the queue move away so I could deal with it by myself. There is nothing like that London community spirit. I had a choice to either argue or give them the money. I started to protest but then the other dudes moved closer towards me, so I gave them the cash I had on me. I guess I should feel lucky. They didn't take my phone or ipod, they probably just wanted the cash for a quick smack fix. I'm not sure if this counts as a mugging but if it does its the sixth time I have been mugged in ten years. And that is too much. North London is beating South London 4-2 at the moment. I wonder if it will go to penalties. (I wasn't very happy when I wrote this entry was I? Perhaps it was because I had been 'asked' for money in such a fashion? It's quite weird for me reading this though, as normally I make myself laugh when I read my stuff - which is a good job as very few others do - so I am missing the jokes today).

I also used to love the rudeness. I liked the fact people ignored each other so you could go about your business without some nosey neighbour saying 'Hello' and trying to have a conversation. I liked that you could be whoever you wanted to be as people were so disinterested in you it didn't matter if you walked down the street naked (Which I have never done fact fans, I think I just said this as an example). I've changed though. I want to see people smile on the train. I want to say 'Hello' to someone I pass on the street without being called a weirdo. So where would I go? I don't much care for the seaside, and I may get bored in the country. I'll have to have a think and watch more 'Relocation, Relocation' which I love anyway (This blog is scaring me a bit. At the time I had never, ever thought about leaving the country. I 'choose' somewhere inadvertently with no public transport and where everyone says hello to you. Perhaps LA found me? Obviously it didn't but its still bonkers all the same).

This blog has been a bit on the sad side so far. So lets talk about nice things. I would just like to say how much I like Diet Coke with Cherry. It's so delicious. I have a can every day and I love it so much. It is just brilliant. (I still get Cherry Diet Coke but I now prefer Sprite Zero)

And I've got myself a tailored suit. It's just like Doctor Who's - though I've gone for different colour pinstripes as I didn't want it to be exactly the same. It looks the bomb.

I went to a party last week which was at the top of the Gherkin. It's so high up that when you go up in the lift your ears pop like they do when you are in a plane. The view from the ceiling is skill.


Has anyone tried 'GeoBars'? They are healthy but so delicious I am addicted to them. (I get Kellog's Cereal Bars over here, they aren't as good).

I need your help. I have tickets to see Arcade Fire and Bright Eyes on the same night. Who would you go and see? I love Arcade Fire so much. They are one of my favourite live bands but I also like Bright Eyes who I have never seen live. Let me know your views. (I choose The Arcade Fire. They were skill. I saw Bright Eyes twice later in the year and they were brill both times)

I have just got tickets to see the Pet Shop Boys at the Hammersmith Apollo. Wicked! (And they were ace too).

I went to see Billie Piper in that play 'Treats' but she was ill and cancelled. I was quite cross but those crosser than me got up and left and demanded refunds. At half time even more people left. Em and I stayed as we had half time wine waiting. I love half time wine when you have ordered it before the play has started. It's like the wine is then a present. For the start of the second half I got some ice-cream. I love ice cream but it always makes me cough. Does anyone know why that is? Anyway the play was quite good. I was still a bit cross though as in one scene Billie Piper's understudy is just in her bra. I would have liked to see Billie Piper in her bra. Not for rude reasons but simply because you could say to someone when the conversation got dull "I saw Billie Piper in her bra.". This could then lead on to a great chat. (Billie Piper has developed a lisp these days. I wonder where that came from? She had in the new Doctor Who and it was dead off-putting)

I think I'll end it there for today.

marc x

Les(s) of that art or I’ll shoot (Part Two)

Welcome back everyone. I hope you are nice and settled for part two. It’s been a bit longer coming than what I promised you eh? I was going to carry on writing on Wednesday night but I was tempted by a double bill of 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. It’s so good to see what crazy things Raymond is getting up to after a hard day at work. Emma then made me a lovely Thai curry and after consuming that we settled down in front of the sofa with some ice cream. Doing a blog didn't carry much appeal from this point on. And on Thursday I went to the gym, and after that we watched ‘The Simpson’s’ film. This was funny and better than the series is these days.

Anyway we are now onto talking about last Friday I believe, which was our work ‘away day’. We had a big picnic and a game of softball was organized. The food was lovely (everyone had to bring something in which I thought was a good idea. I bought in some ‘chips’ and a big old fruitplate). Sadly the softball wasn’t as good. I still hit the ball as I did before (and I even made it past first base once) but that isn’t the whole story readers. On one occasion I whacked the ball and as I ran for first base I fell over. I am a pretty fast runner so I went tumbling down with a big old thud. It hurt but I realized if I got up I could still make the base. Sadly I did this too quickly, I didn’t get my balance and I fell over again! I then just missed first base and I was out. I had to go off and clean away the blood and the gravel. As I write this I have two big bruises on my knee and a cut hand. The things I do for television. I think my colleagues now think all English people are rubbish at sport. This is actually true when you think about it so no harm done I guess.

Saturday was a good old day though. After a lot of late nights and early mornings it was superb to have a lie-in. I had the brilliant experience where you wake up at around 7:30am and think “I better get up for work” but then you realise it's Saturday. This happened to me whilst I was going for a wee. I thought "do you know what Ollington? If I was you I'd get back into bed and have dreams of nice things and have some more sleeps." And go back to sleep I did and I arose from my slumber at just past 10am. Some would say this is lazy, I would say to these dudes to bugger off. I had six hours shut eye most of the week and I needed to catch up.

Emma and I had breakfast (boiled egg and soldiers which were sublime), did some chores, and then logged onto the computer. It was my mum’s birthday party and I we had been invited to attend via webcam. It’s all bonkers the technology these days isn’t it? We left on the laptop for a few hours as we were giving our bungalow a spring clean. Every now and then we would pop in front of the camera and talk to someone at the party. It was just like being there but we didn’t have any of the food or drink or anything. We were able to join in singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to my mum though (which was ace) and I had a good chat with my brother who I hadn’t spoke to since I got here! Obviously we talk on email all the time but boys don’t ring each other up. That is way too gay. It was very amusing hearing all the conversations that were taking place at the party. It certainly passed the time whilst I was scrubbing the kitchen floor.

After that Emma and I had a relaxing afternoon. We had some lunch, read our books and enjoyed the peace and quiet. It was ruddy brilliant. Then at around 5pm we went out for a spot of early dinner. We decided to treat ourselves to a meal at our favourite diner called ‘Swingers’. This is a real American diner with a fab jukebox and acetastic food. It also caters really well for vegetarians like myself too (I know I eat chicken but I am a vegetarian in spirit). I like this place a lot as you really feel like you are in America Land. After munching away it was time to head down to the beach for ‘Glow’. What the gubbins is ‘Glow’ you may be thinking? I shall put you out of your misery and say that ‘Glow’ is a twelve hour art exhibition held at night. The theme of ‘light’ is it’s concept. It kicked off at 7pm and was due to run for twelve whole hours. I told Emma we could stay for fifteen minutes as it sounded rubbish. We actually ended up there for quite a while, and I got quite into it.

It was still a bit on the rubbish side in a lot of ways, but I enjoyed seeing the exhibitions and installations so I could make an informed opinion. One of the exhibits was some lights placed on some steps of the pier that flashed in time with the waves. These weren’t brilliant special lights though. These were just like Christmas tree fairy lights. I reckon this exhibit cost ten dollars maximum. One of the big installations was a big cut out crater in some sand. It then shot up lots of water and had a barrage of weirdy images lit onto it. This was pretty impressive but it was no different to what they do at Disneyland for their big light show. In fact it’s better at Disney as Mickey Mouse appears in the lights. There were some good robots made out of plastic bottles and things though. Emma took some pictures of these and you can see them on the slideshow to your right.

We left before the rave type events took place though as I had to get to bed at around midnight. Why you may cry? Surely Sunday is a time for relaxing and frivolity. I had to be up at 7am for a photo shoot. People that say showbiz is all glamour are mistaken. And besides I never went to raves when I was young so I am not going to start now. I can’t say really what we were shooting or filming as the series doesn’t air until later in the year and you have to be all confidential and things. What I will say though is that shoots of any kind are great as you get free food throughout the day. I had some lovely pastries for breakfast. So it’s worth giving up some of your weekend for I reckon.

Afterwards I was able to spend some time with the Emster. We went to the gym to keep our training going but I was too tired to really go for it. We then spent a lovely evening relaxing and having some good philosophical chats about the world. Actually, that may not be true and we may have watched the TV. It was great all the same though. Phew, what a week it had been! That is life in Los Angeles though, and that’s why I am flippin’ loving it.

Marc xx

p.s. Happy Birthday Super Rupa. May your special celebrations keep going on for months - at least!

Les(s) of that art or I’ll shoot (Part One)

It has been a manic week dear readers. I hadn’t been listening to the Welsh power-pop-rock trio the ‘Manic Street Preachers’. Actually I had but that isn’t why it was a manic week. Instead Emma and I had Les, Richey and Damo to stay from the mighty band ‘Abdoujaparov’. They arrived in LA on Monday night after playing a couple of gigs in the Sacramento area. Guitarist Johnny and his wife Allie (who was also driving them) were staying in a nearby hotel. This was quite lucky as Emma and I’s bungalow isn’t the biggest, but the others made use of our living room and they seemed to fit ok.

They all got into Santa Monica at around eleven in the evening. We thus had to have a few beers back at ours to welcome the merry band of travellers. It was jolly nice to catch up and by the time I got bed it was almost two in the morning. And I had to be in work for nine. How rock n’ roll is that? I may be thirty two but I can still push the barriers with what time I go to sleep. Lucky for me that I can get there in fifteen minutes, meaning that I was able to get six hours of the old shut eye. Margaret Thatcher survived on a lot less, though she was a bit mental (state funeral! I hope I’m still in the US when that happens). Funnily enough I wasn’t that tired at work. I think being sunny all the time means that tiredness evaporates and your heart remains aglow. Or something along those lines.

The next evening Emma and I took the band out and about to Santa Monica. We went to the Library Alehouse where we sat outside and enjoyed dinner under the stars (albeit with some canvas roof over us too). I got properly cooked fish and chips that was yummy in my tummy. Johnny then regaled us all with his wine knowledge. I asked him how he had become such an expert in all things vino. He told me that it was the staff training when he worked at ‘Oddbins’ (for the US readers ‘Oddbins’ is a chain of Liquor Stores back in Blighty). I think it’s jolly good and impressive that Oddbins train their staff so well. I think Johnny knows more than wine expert Oz Clarke (who used to be on ‘Food and Drink’ and who does the audio tour at ‘Vinopolis’). After dinner we went to a couple of bars. One of which was an Irish bar, the other was a ‘Trendy Wendy’ place. Both of them had rubbish singer songwriters playing. This made it hard for a decent conversation and natter. I had a whisky and coke though so it didn’t matter. Once again it turned into another late night and I didn’t get to Barry Bed until roughly the same time as the night before.

I was a little more sleepy eyed on Wednesday perhaps disproving my theory that being sunny evaporates tiredness. I recovered for the gig on Thursday though. It took about ten billion years to drive to Hollywood from work due to bad traffic. We listened to some classic Manic Street Preachers to help us along (as those of you who have been with me from the opening lines know). Even hearing such ace tunes as ‘A Design For Life’ and ‘Motorcycle Emptiness’ couldn’t take away the frustration of blocked up traffic and drivers not being able to wait their turn and thus shamefully trying to cut in here, there and everywhere. We got to the ‘Universal Bar and Grill’ eventually though. In a way it was good to get there late as the venue had booked about seventy five bands to play. Most of them were ruddy rubbish. Abdou (as the fans call them) were due on at around ten ish but it wasn’t until almost midnight that they took to the stage.

The venue was like something you see in the crazy American films when it all gets a bit seedy. It was a kind of sports bar (and it even had a TV showing sports above the bands as they played) but it also had a feeling of a rock n’ roll dive. I liked it in a funny kind of way but the nights entertainment wasn’t organized very well. Each band had to set up their own equipment and also do their own sound. It was literally plug in and play. The Abdou boys were very good though despite these obstacles and performed to an enthusiastic crowd, with some people wearing Carter t-shirts there too. And they did forty two minutes which was twelve minutes more than their allotted time. This meant we got a few more songs which made up for the lateness. We didn’t leave until past one and once again I got to bed at around two in the morning. This was for the third time that week! I am now practically on a par with Keith Richards at his height of hedonism. This is especially true as I had two whole pints of lager that night, and one of them was a real pint, and not the ‘light’ beers I have been drinking recently.

It was a top night and brilliant to have Les play in LA, and it was great to see Mark and Cerise (who the boys were now staying with). I also met Jacob who is Carter fan from Boston (I think?) residing in LA who I have emailed a few times (he has just had his debut novel published which I think is ace). It did make you realize though that it isn’t just England that has badly run music venues, in fact places like ‘The Bull and Gate’ are much better in comparison.

Speaking of novels as I did in the brackets above I should mention my debut novel ‘Manhole’. This is coming on a treat and the words flow out of me like nobody’s business when I sit down to write. Once my creative juices get spluttering I just can’t stop typing away. I read back what I had written the other day and I really made myself laugh. Is that a bad thing and a bit too egotistical? I guess that if at the end only I find it funny then at least I have pleased myself. And pleasuring yourself is recommended by some I’m sure.

I did discover this week that when listening to the podcast of Radio Four’s ‘Now Show’ that the word ‘Manhole’ is considered sexist by some UK councils. And it has already been banned in places like the aforementioned Sacramento in the US and they are now called “'maintenance holes''. How rubbish will my book be if I have to call it “Maintenance Hole”? Sometimes the tree hugging non sexist brigade get right on my Barry nerves. I have given up meat (read meat anyway) and I recycle now and everything (I am happy to wash up tins and tomato sauce bottles if that’s what we need to do to save the world). I would even burn my bra (if I had one) for the sake of all the lovely ladies getting treated as well as all the men dudes. It all goes a bit too far when the namby pambys start changing words that interfere with my art though. I could write a long diatribe about masculine and feminine words and their usage, but what’s the point? The world is run by fools. This is like my song ‘Eskimo Invasion’ all over again which got banned as the word ‘Eskimo’ was deemed racist by the vegetarian do-gooders of the world. Do I change the title or risk getting called a sexist by fool ‘Newsnight Review’? Let me know what you think readers.

Anyways (I have added an extra ‘s’ as that what people tend to do here in LA Land. Rather than say ‘anyway’ they say ‘anyways’. I’m not sure why and I guess it’s grammatically totally wrong, but I like it. It sounds nice so I am going to do it too) there is too much to write today for one entry. I want to tell you about my weekend so I shall do that on Wednesday. That means you get three blog entries this week as I shall do the classic blog re-visited on Friday. Sometimes you must wander how life can get any better.

I will entice you by telling you that on Friday I bruised both knees and my elbow in a horrific injury, On Saturday I attended a party in Leigh-On-Sea, Essex, England and I then went to an art festival in Santa Monica a few hours later (!) and I spent Sunday in the company of ex Baywatch babe Tracy Bingham. To find out how the gubbins this happened don’t forget to check back in a couple of days. Unless of course you are reading this past the 23rd July and I’ve already done part two of the blog. In which case I would say to you that you should read this more often. Or perhaps not, just read it when you like. I shouldn’t be a fascist and dictate when you log on here. I should be happy that you take the time at all to hear about our adventures. I think now that I am essentially an author (as ‘Manhole’ is so skill) that I am getting a little cocky. I shall beat my cockiness out, you can be rest assured of that.

See you for part two soon blog fans...

Marc xx

p.s. This weeks shout out goes to my ace mum whose birthday it is on 22nd July. Happy birthday mum and see you in two weeks. xxx

New Year, Same Old Gubbins

Hello Readers,
I have posted my 'Blog Re-Visited' up a day early this week. I'm out and about all day with work tomorrow so here it is. Once again new comments are in brackets. In this classic entry from eighteen months ago I talk about my Christmas and New Year break. I don't really get homesick out here, as it's pretty ace, but I love a British Christmas. This blog entry made me quite nostalgic for the ace Christmas and New Years Emma and I have had. It will be very different this year spending it in America with just the two of us and only a couple of days off work.
See you Monday for a new entry!
Marc x

New Year, Same Old Gubbins
January 2007

It's been a while hasn't it? I haven't written a Barry Blog in a good few months. I'm not quite sure why. The muse wasn't there, and I'm not talking about those godawful whining rock twerps. I have also been dead busy doing lots of stuff. But it's a new year and all that gubbins so I should put fingers to keys once again. I feel you lot have been deprived of my ramblings so I have returned like Lazarus.

Since I last wrote a blog I got engaged (My word, and to think I have been married almost a year now). I know this will upset a lot of ladies out there in internet land but that is life I'm afraid. I am now thirty so the time is right for the face of London Town to hand in his badge. I think this is a very good age to get married. My teens and twenties were a social whirl but you can't be rock n' roll 24-7 when you get to my age. And to be honest give me some hob nobs, a cup of tea and the love of a good woman rather than going out clubbing any day of the week. I always had the hob nobs and the tea but its a lot better with the three.

I shan't write too much about my engagement here as my blogs are more about things like how often I go to the toilet. I am not one for talking about feelings and things on the interweb. A lot of bloggers could learn from me. Even though I am a loud mouthed buffoon some things in life should be private - even in this crazy internet age where people write all and sundry about themselves. But I can tell you that the big day will be on September 22nd. If you don't know me well enough to be invited to what is turning out to be the society event of 2007 you can still send a present. I need to book a band actually. I haven't been given many jobs yet but that is down to me. I best get thinking. If you have any ideas let me know. I thought a swing band would be good but then last night I thought it would be ace to have a band that does covers, as this would mean I get up and do a number. Which I'm sure everyone would love. (The wedding was brilliant and the best day ever. I ended up booking my mates band 'Allergy' who did indeed do some ace covers. I sung a few songs including 'Daydream Believer' and 'Modern Love'. It was skill.)

I also did the first batch of exams of my post graduate thing back in December. It was harsher than getting hung (a bit of topicality there for all you current affairs fans). Sitting in a big cold room on a rickety desk is still as terrifying ten years on. I did loads of revision and everything but I really didn't enjoy two exams which were three hours in length. I wrote so much I thought my hands would fall off. Imagine if I fail these exams. It would mean I would have four exams to do in June. Sod that for a barrage of bananas. (I passed the exams you will be pleased to know. And I went on to take another which I also passed. So I have a post grad diploma in marketing. To go on further I need to do a big case study which I plan to do when I return to the UK.)

I am growing my first beard at the moment. Can you believe that I am thirty and that I have never grown a beard? I think its something that all men have to do at least once in their life. I don't plan to keep it but I shall see grow it to a proper beard length. I haven't shaved since Christmas Day and I would say that you would now class what I have as beard rather than stubble. Lots of people at work today are telling me it's good. I believe them. It doesn't age me. Instead I look a bit less camp and it gives me a rock n' roll edge. I think though once it turns into a beard proper I will look like a farmer. (After a week I had to shave it off. It looked ace but it was so itchy I almost scratched my face off).

Before Christmas Jim Bob, Neil and I did a DJ set supporting Little Man Tate at the Boardwalk in Sheffield. It was great and everything but we had to DJ on the stage. I don't know how Fatboy Slim does it. What do you do when you are on a stage rather than on a DJ booth on the side? I just pretended to look at what to play next, and every now and then I jumped up and down. Money for old rope but having said that I was terrified. Next time I will buy some sweets and stuff to chuck out to the crowd.

I am sad Christmas is over. I ruddy well love Christmas. I had a brilliant time watching TV and eating. I flippin' well love watching the the TV. And I love eating too. I have had so much chocolate that if you cut me I would bleed it. Luckily I did go for a couple of sneaky 12k runs that kept most of the weight off. But in the main I didn't move from the sofa. The misses and I needed to do it. It's important to relax. I started off the Christmas break feeling rundown with a rubbish cold. Now I feel content and happy. Well I would be if I wasn't back at smelly old work.

I thought Christmas TV was superb this year. People always moan about it but I had lots to watch. My favourite things were Doctor Who, Dracula, The Ruby Of The Smoke, Big Fat Quiz Of The Year (how funny was Russell Brand and that chap from The Mighty Brush - or whatever its called?), Vicar Of Dibley (admit it, it was dead funny), Sarah Jane Smith Adventures, Wind In The Willows, the list goes on! And there is still This Life to look forward to tonight. I am at the football so I shall watch it when I get home. I remember when This Life was first on. It was towards the end of our uni days and we would sit and watch it (on a Tuesday I think) with the thought that we too would be moving to London very soon. And like them we would be in a shared house having lots of crazy adventures. Its bonkers to think that was ten years ago. (Sadly the 'This Life' re-union show was a bit rubbish).

I read the Billie Piper autobiography over the xmas break (!). Do you know that she calls David Tennant by the name of David Ten-Inch. Because apparently he has a huge penis. I wonder how she knows. I bet they have done the business. Actors and actresses love doing the sex. They never stop according to all the gossip rags.

I went out this New Years Eve. I don't normally but I went to one of Neil's yearly parties. I pretty much invited myself and he luckily let me come. I had a great chat with his future father-in-law (he is getting married next year too). He used to be David Bowie's driver back in the 70s. He has lots of good anecdotes but my best one involves him telling Angie Bowie to stop showing her ladies bits off. She never used to wear knickers and she used to sit with her legs wide apart, up on the dashboard (when they were parked up waiting for David who was going about his business). She got a lot of attention from people walking by but she liked it. If you asked me its no surprise her and David got divorced. You wouldn't find Iman doing that kind of thing would you?

Anyway that will do for today.

Bye. And Happy New Year. xxx

Mega, McGregor and more nice weather.

Hello everyone,

I hope all my loyal readers are doing fantastically well. I am quite sprightly on this Monday lunchtime. I am having a swiss cheese sandwich with tomato. Yum (I don’t have any mayonnaise on it though as I have given it up). I had a lovely weekend and Emma and I have visitors today too. Les and Richie are coming to stay for a couple of days. For those of you readers who don’t know, not only are they top mates but they are also in the mighty band Abdoujaparov (and they have a gig on Thursday at the Universal Bar and Grill, come along if you are local). They are doing a mini tour over here in USA land. So far the boys have done a couple of gigs in Sacramento, and then they are playing L.A. before they go on to Vegas for another show. They are visiting us from Monday to Wednesday before they go and stay with Cerise and Mark for the rest of the week. Emma is out now buying beer and nibbles for the boys. I hope they don’t mind sleeping on the blow up beds!

I am going to talk about my softball team debut now. That is correct, I played Softball! I know I said I wouldn’t talk too much about my work life due to confidentiality and all that jazz, but I think I can mention extra curricular stuff though eh? The channel that I work for has a softball team called ‘The Reality Ratbags’. They have had a great start to the season and have won all four of their opening games. I thought I should show some willing myself and play. They also gave me the number ten shirt (like Dennis Bergkamp) with the name ‘Brit’ on the back. How could I not make the effort? My worry though was that as I am a bit rubbish at sport I would bring the team down. The only thing I am good at is running, and that isn’t really a sport. That just takes a lot of training. If co-ordination is required I am not really your man. Having said that I did like canoeing and I took to that easily. So much so that I got a qualification in it and everything! I think that is one of those crazy one offs though.

Where was I? Oh yes, Softball. I was concerned that I wouldn’t even hit the ball. I don’t think I had ever played Softball before but I remember never hitting the ball in Rounders when I was about eight. I think they are pretty much the same game. My worry was so great that I went to hit some balls at lunchtime with Mike (another top colleague) who was happy to train me. Luckily I found I could actually hit the ball. Not all the time, but more often than not. And sometimes I even hit it right so I wouldn’t be caught out. Could I do it in that nights game though? Are you feeling the tension here? I am as I just did a piddle in my pants.*

The match was a tough one with both teams quite even. The game was delicately poised as it was my turn to bat. Nerves at first got the better of me and rather than waiting for a ball I liked the look of I swung and missed. I then just missed my second swing. With one strike to go though I made decent contact and I whacked the ball damn hard. I heard cheers go up from my team mates. ” This is where my running comes in” I said to myself and I hurtled towards first base as fast as my little white legs would carry me. I was dead pleased until I realized that as I was running the opposition had caught my shot. I was upset and shell-shocked. Luckily though I was given a heroes welcome. My team mates were happy that I was able to at least hit the thing. And to be honest I can only get better. And good news, we won the game and we have now won all five of the opening matches. So more softball news soon!

On another work note (he says breaking all his rules) I had the honor of ‘working’ with Ewan McGregor last Friday. He was promoting the show ‘Long Way Down’ for us. He was charm personified and a lovely man. Why can’t all stars be like that? And he was very handsome too. If I was a lady I would like to kiss him, but I’m not a lady so I shook his hand instead. The best bit of the day for me was walking around with the microphone during the press conference. If a journalist had a question I would go to them with the aforementioned microphone. I would then hand it to them when it was their turn. This was brill. Simple things for simple minds eh? Our conference took place at the Beverly Hills Hilton. I saw Tony Curtis and Dennis Hopper there too!

I went crazy at the gym on Saturday morning. I ran about seven miles and did three miles on the cross trainer. I then did some toning exercises too. I burnt off one thousand and one hundred calories which is mental. I gave myself a big blood blister though. I think if you are not careful the gym can take over your life so Emma and I got pizza for tea, and we drunk some wine to give the day some balance. We also went shopping in the afternoon. Emma got herself a lovely dress for the wedding we are going to in August, she looked acetastic in it. And I got myself a retro Spiderman t-shirt from ‘Urban Outfitters’. We also had a Jamba Juice that was as delicious as last time. It makes for tasty liquid lunch that doesn’t pile on the pounds. We then went to the cinema to watch ‘Hancock’. It wasn’t the best film ever made but it was funny in a lot of places and I can’t help but like Will Smith. I know he may be one of those bonkers Scientologist dudes but at least he doesn’t blither on about it like Tom Cruise. The evening was spent with the aforementioned pizza and some top TV.

On the Sunday morning I got up early (8:55am) to speak to my mum via the webcam. I had to speak to her in my pyjamas as I didn’t have time to get dressed and ready. It was lovely to speak to her even though I didn’t look my best. After that we went to the beach to try out our new chairs and umbrella that Emma had bought for our beach trip. They worked a treat and I had much fun relaxing and reading my book. I even had a little afternoon sleep which is always good fun. I went into the sea properly for the first time here. The waves were dead big and brilliant fun to swim against. I am going to buy one of those body boards as all the cool kids were using those.

We did have to leave the beach mid-afternoon as I was starting to go red and we had to get ourselves ready. We were going out to watch ‘The Megas’. They are a band which Eric from my work is in. All their songs are based on the eighties computer game ‘Mega Man’. Not one of their songs, but every single one! This I had to see loyal reader. On the way we picked up David ‘Crabtree’ Crabtree (also from work) before we went to Charissa’s for dinner. She made us a lovely vegetarian pasta and we had some fine wine. Before we knew it was time to head to the venue which was called ‘The CIA’. It was an amazing little place that seems to be a burlesque club or even a circus at other times. As such it was decorated in the most crazy way. I had a great time though and The Megas were skill, even though all their songs were about a computer game.

We got home at almost one in the morning, which is crazy for a school night! I didn’t have much time to read my book. Instead I imagined what it would be like to have been a pirate. Before I knew it I was asleep. I don’t remember dreaming about being a pirate. This was a shame as I imagine that if I did I would have enjoyed that dream.

See you Friday for another Classic Blog Re-visited.
Marc x

*Not really. Just another one of my great jokes.

Man O' Man

Hello there,

For this weeks 'classic' entry I go back eighteen months where I tell the tale of my first ever trip to the 'Isle Of Man'.

This is a bit like watching 'Location, Location, Location', 'Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares' or 'Property Ladder' where they do the re-visited programs. I have added some new comments and updated the blog. These bits are in brackets. But like the updated versions of the shows mentioned above the new bits are only small, and are still a repeat really however much we media types say it is jazzed up.

I'll be back early next week with more tales from America Land.

Marc x

Man O Man

I went to the Isle Of Man. I travelled by Ferry. And I was sick. I've never got sea sick before. In fact I love boats. So much so that I would like to go on a cruise when I'm a bit richer. But not a tacky one, and I would like to spend some time in the actual places you visit which I don't think you do on cruises. But I digress. As I said, I like boats. When I went to Turkey last year we went out on a boat and sailed around all the nice beaches. It was the bomb. And I loved the ferry when I went to France with school. So even though I had to get up dead early for a long drive to Liverpool I was excited about the boat trip. More about the boat in a little bit (this is an enticing introduction to the blog) but I should give you some background about why I was on the boat eh?

The reason, curiosity fans, is that I was going to the Isle Of Man. Jim Bob (a singer-songwriter that I 'manage') was playing two gigs there along with the acetastic Chris T-T (who is another man that sings and writes songs). It was the last two gigs of Jim Bob's 'Best Of' tour which has gone very well indeed. Chris had been there twice before and had sorted out this weekender for us. I didn't know much about the Isle Of Man but I was about to find out dear readers. We picked up Chris on the way, he had played a gig in London the night before. And it was jolly lovely to see the old chap again.

It's a tour tradition to make a compilation cd for the car. The last time we were with Chris he said mine was too 'Britpop'. So I put lots of things like motown, Public Enemy and even Moatloaf on it. It was brill and the best compilation I have ever made. I also heard Mr. Spoons (driver, roadie, all round good egg) new compilation which was better than his normal ones which normally feature lots of rubbish Australian bands. He told me he was up until 2:30am in the morning making it meaning he only got three hours sleep. That is taking the art of the compilation too far. Though I was impressed with dedication. Roy Castle said you need it to be a record breaker, but its also true if you are a compilation maker. (Hello it's Marc here in 2008 adding a post script tyoe thing. Avid readers of this blog will note that I used this Roy Castle joke in my last posting on Monday. It's a crazy coincidence that I used the same funny almost two years later in the previous blog entry. It does show what little material I actually have).

Anyway we were soon in Liverpool ready for our crossing into the Irish Sea. By this point I was Hank Marvin so as soon as I was on the boat I got myself a jacket potatoe with cheese and beans. It was delicious and I scoffed it down. This was a mistake and no mistaking. 'Why?' you ask. Because the sea was at a factor eight or something (which means its very rough for any of you dudes who don't know these things). Half an hour into the journey all the stuff in the gift shop came crashing to the floor and all the cutlery in the kitchen was smashing all over the place. All around me people were throwing up into sick bags. And I started to feel a bit woozey. Then Mr. Spoons, who was next to me, started being sick and it made me feel a hundred times worse. I didn't like the idea of using a sick bag so I walked to the toilet. Which was the hardest thing I have ever done as the boat was rocking around so much. When I went in there the whole place was covered in sick. So this made me throw up (I've just realised how disgusting this blog is, what with me talking about sick all the time. Sorry to all my more sensitive readers).

After that I lay in the amusement arcade next to the toilets. I couldn't sit up or on a chair and I just prayed for the journey to finish. Eventually it did but I still felt awful. Jim and Chris were quite unscathed. Mr. Spoons was in a shocking state though and wouldn't properly recover until the next day.

We had stuff to do so we couldn't lick our wounds forever. We met our host Gypo (a lovely man - though everyone has bonkers names in the Isle Of Man, It's the law. Though we can talk. We had a Mr. Spoons and a Jim Bob in our party), went to the venue for a soundcheck, went to the radio station where Jim did an interview and played three songs, then went to a pub and then a restaurant. I had chicken enchiladas. They were nice. It was soon time to get back to the venue. The gig had sold out which pleased Jim and I. I got quite drunk and chatted to lots of new people whilst manning my merchandise stand. Everyone was very friendly. Jim did a brilliant set and it was an ace gig.

Afterwards we went around Smeg's house for a party. Smeg runs Ballagroove records with Gypo (and others). I got a lift with him and his girlfriend, Pippa. Both are lovely people but Pippa's driving scared the living daylights out of me. There is no speed limit in the Isle Of Man. We were doing 100mph on dark country roads and I almost started to cry. I didn't show this though I don't think. We had a good time around Smegs for a couple of hours and met lots more people. It was soon time to retire to Gypo's house where we were all staying. Gypo and his girlfriend's Jo house was lovely. It was done out in a very cool and retro way, my mate Jeremy would have loved it. Mr. Spoons and I were sharing a room. Mr. Spoons snores, but luckily he wasn't too bad tonight. I think I got to bed about threeish. I slept like a baby who is very tired and is being no hassle for its parents.

I awoke at around eleven am and everyone was up. Gypo made us cheese on toast. It was the best cheese on toast I have ever had. It was quite spicy and tangy. I think he had a secret recipe. It was diddy delicious. When we walked out the front door for our tour of the coast I realised we were in the middle of the countryside as there were cows outside. I love cows, I think they are my best animal (I did like Giraffes best but they are too fashionable these days). I felt very guilty about the fact I eat meat at this point. I must admit some vegetarians get right on my nerves when they rant about the evils of meat eating. They remind me of most religious people, but I digress. I do like animals, and if you do then I think its not on to eat meat. So I think I will cut out red meat from this point. I eat very little of it anyway. At home I don't eat meat at all as Emma is vegetarian. But I think I will stick to eating just chicken and turkey. Chickens are ugly things so I feel a bit less guilty. But I will be a good boy and only eat the ones that have been raised in a nice farm. The trouble about me becoming a vegetarian is that I think vegetables are revolting. Apart from carrots. I love carrots. And I love fruit. I eat lots of fruit. Fruit is excellent.

(Another note from me in 2008. Avid readers will know that 18 months on I have finally starting sticking to this promise and I have been clean of red meat for almost two months. I feel a lot better for it too. It's funny how relevant this Isle Of Man blog is, it really was the start of me thinking about animals being killed for meat. This is the joy of visiting old blogs, it's good to see what ideas you follow through on).

How have I ended up talking about this? Probably because I spent the weekend with Chris T-T. He has some very strong views about most things. He is very much anti meat. But what I like about Chris is you can have a reasonable mass debate with him. He is passionate in his beliefs and I respect what he has to say. Being in his company gets you thinking after the conversation. Rather than putting your back put up, which a lot of people can do if they are ranting. Instead you go away having a think. Which is always good after a mass debate (I will never tire of that joke).

Back to the Isle of Man. We got taken to the seaside town of Peel. It was dead nice. We had a pub lunch. I did have sausages but that was when I was thinking about the whole meat thing. So I didn't enjoy it as much as I should of. Though we did see Norman Wisdom walking by outside. He lives in the Island. I wanted to shout "oooh, Mr. Grimsdale at him" but I didn't. We did have a lovely ice cream afterwards. I got a rum n' raisin one. It was here I made one of my best jokes. "I have gone for raisin as we had a strong current yesterday". People thought this was hilarious and laughed for hours. I then had a walk along the beach, which was nice.

Later on we walked to the next gig in Port Erin along the railway tracks as the steam train had made its last journey for the day. This was brill. Chris T-T and I jumped over a stream. Though I got scared on the jump back. Jim was a special surprise guest to Chris tonight. This was good as I am a bit bored watching Jim play his mammoth seventeen hour sets (only joking James) and it was good to see Chris T-T play for a longer time. He did a lot of old songs, like English Earth, that I have missed hearing him do. Afterwards I got quite drunk. I even had a Baileys. I do like a nice Baileys. On the way back Jo made Mr. Spoons stop the car and we walked to where the waves were going dead high. This was good. We got covered in water and could have been swept onto the rocks and died but it was great anyway.

We then went back to Gypos. I think I had a cup of tea. How rock n' roll is that? Though I did partake in a few nuts. Not a mans nuts, but ones you eat. I am no gaylord. I think I went to bed at three am again which meant another three hours sleep. We said goodbye to Gypo and Jo at the Ferry place. I was sad to say goodbye. Not only had they been amazing hosts, showed us their ace island and put on two great gigs - but they were lovely people to boot.

I was dead nervous about the crossing going home as it was a longer trip. Luckily it was a bigger Ferry and the seas were better. The journey was smoother than a baby's bottom. I was able to sleep most of the journey back in the quiet zone. I loved it in the quiet zone as it was chav free. We then had a long drive back to London, which was alright but I was a bit tired and irritable. This was made worse by an argument with Jim over whether The Kooks are any good. He seems to think they are good. I reckon they are poo and the new Toploader. I think we both agreed to differ and went to sleep in a huff. At least I went to sleep in a huff.

We eventually got back in the evening. I had a bath straight away and it was lovely. I love a nice bath.

More next time.
marc x

Running for presents down a manhole.

I would like to apologize dear reader for not posting a ‘classic’ blog on Friday. To be honest I forgot amongst a barrage of other stuff but I shall attempt to upload some old jazz later this week. Anyway, onto this weeks musings and pontification. Time waits for no man. Not even little old me.

I was thirty two last Wednesday. This is quite a dull birthday as it’s not much different to thirty one. It’s still early thirties but not old enough to say that you are half way through your life (which you essentially are when you get to thirty five). I know the average age to live now is seventy eight but I think for men it’s a bit lower than that. And in a lot of cases the years where you are seventy and over are a bit rubbish. That’s when things stop working and you wet yourself. So the way I see it is that I’m now only three years off being half way through my ‘active’ life. This is totally bonkers as I still feel as if I’m twelve. I started to think about things like life after death, baby Jesus and all that jazz the day before my birthday. It made my head hurt so I had a Diet Sprite and watched another episode of top sitcom ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’.

On my birthday itself I had to be up with the larks at six in the morning. I was filming some acetastic viral videos at work and needed to be in early. There was enough time to open my cards and presents though, and to have some breakfast with my ace wife. I got taken out for sushi at lunchtime with Charissa. Promo Eric and David ‘Crabtree’ Crabtree also came along. They are part of the cool gang at the channel so it’s good to go to lunch with these cats. In the evening I was too tired to do much but Emma made me a lovely dinner and I had a cheeky couple of glasses of wine. Emma also got us some delicious cakes from Sprinkles, which is a top cake shop that all the celebs go to. Once again the wife of dreams treated me like a birthday king. I fell asleep quite early though such was the hardship of the day and having to do some work. Some would say that work isn’t watching some people filming the chucking of a dummy down the stairs but I disagree.

Luckily it was Independence Day weekend which meant we got to leave work early at 1pm on Thursday. The Emster and I enjoyed celebrating that the American’s got rid of us from their shores. We saw some acetastic fireworks at the LA Galaxy game (which we lost but Mr. Beckham scored), watched the Santa Monica parade, did some shopping and I spent my birthday money. I got three new t-shirts, two pairs of jeans, three pairs of new pants, three pairs of socks, three plain t-shirts that I wear under v-necks or shirts, one new short sleeved shirt, two new running tops, two new pairs of running shorts, three new pairs of running socks and a new pair of running shoes. I did really well and I am a very lucky boy.

I will say though that buying shirts has proved a problem. In every store I go too they are too long. I like them to come just below my belt, not all the way past my private area. Why can’t the Americans make shirts the right length?

It may sound silly but I am dead happy with my new gym gear. As I go to the gym about four times a week its good to make an effort. Gone are the days when I wore a manky t-shirt and some rubbish shorts. I now have stuff that makes me look the bomb and is designed to keep me cool too. I sweat quite a bit when I’m going bonkers on the running machine so a cotton t-shirt doesn’t cut the mustard. I have lost almost a stone since I have come to the states and I have never felt healthier. This is a jolly good thing! And I have also found the best chain ever. Forget ‘Starbucks’, over here we have ‘Jamba Juice’. Essentially it’s a fruit smoothie version of Starbucks. They taste ace and they also fire whatever vitamins you want in them too. I got some added ‘Vitamin B’ in my drink yesterday whilst the Emster went for ‘Calcium’ I think.

Anyway, I digress. We also went for a lovely dinner with Mark and Cerise. We want to a cool bar first called Hidden (as it was tucked away. Clever eh?), then a dead good restaurant, ‘Via Veneto’. The food was amazing and my crab salad as a starter was chuffin’ sublime. We all got quite tispy, apart from Cerise who was driving. But not too tipsy that I didn’t appreciate the food which was Italian cooking at its best. I think it’s co-owned by that Warren dude who was in Duran Duran back in the nineties (before the Taylor brothers came back) for all you fact fans.

On a final note I am indulging my creative bent of an evening! I wasn’t going to mention to anyone (in case it doesn’t happen) but I am writing a novel. I then decided today that I shouldn't hide it. Surely I should be writing about its gestation and formulation in this blog? If it’s rubbish or I don’t finish it (which is a massive possibility) then so what? There is nothing wrong in giving things a try. And if to does come to fruition then this blog can take you through the process. So far I have done a good few thousand words of ‘Manhole’. It’s ace fun writing a book. And the good thing is that I’ve spent three years or so working out the plot in my head. I know exactly what happens and what the characters do and all that gubbins. It’s all about a man who falls down a manhole and ends up in another world. Or at least that’s what you think it’s about. The main premise of the book isn’t really the main premise at all. And therein lies the genius of it. 

I think writing this blog has prepared me quite well for my novel. Hopefully it will be put up for some kind of blog award soon. If not I will be most cross. It has photos and everything these days. And I did the new logo myself in microsoft paint. I know some of you thought I had paid an agency to do it, but it took me ten minutes one lunch time. It shows that Roy Castle was right when he said dedication was what you need. 

Marc x

p.s. thank you to everyone who got me a birthday card, sent me a birthday email, wrote a birthday facebook message etc etc. I am not really a fan of my birthday but I certainly appreciated all of this. Thank you very much.

p.p.s. What a great finale to Doctor Who. And what a series, the best ever? It is certainly the highest ever rated series and the most popular with the public with regard to audience appreciation figures. I will miss Catherine Tate heaps, the greatest ever Doctor Who companion? I think so…