Who's on the interweb?

I remember going on the interweb for the first time when I was twenty or so. It was in the University computer room where me and some chums ‘discovered’ it when we should have been doing our dissertations. We looked up our favourite bands whilst some chap next to us perused naked ladies until he got caught and banned from the computer room. We got allocated email addresses and everything. Mine was something like:
‘Olli533on_marc1976.00573d@ed.gov.bedford.shire.uk.com’.
It mattered not one jot that it took a year just to type this email address in, it was the start of a whole new world! It was 1996 and the world was just starting to go interweb crazy. Twelve years on and everyone now has the interweb. And it’s now quicker than a whippet on wheels, not like yesteryear...

Just five years ago or so things were still dead different. This was when we first got the internet at home. I would annoy my flat mates by unplugging the phone cable to use ‘dial up’. Half an hour later you would be underway on the world wide web. What fun it was to wait for five minutes for pages to load, or to spend twenty minutes downloading a song. This was only spoiled by Toby Bluck shouting “Are you finished yet, I want to speak to my mum”. Once again time didn’t wait for no man and before you knew where you were dear old Barry Broadband was entering the scene.

Why am I giving you the history of the interweb you may be musing to yourself? It is because without it our life here in the US of A would be so different. I mentioned on my entry on the 30th April how much we are relying on technology. This hasn't changed dear reader. In fact now we can plug our laptop into the TV the macbook has become indispensible.

It is because of the computer, and mainly the interweb we can talk to people at home via webchats, you can see the English news, talk to your friends on the email, play people at scrabble on the facebook and do ace blogs like this that take the world wide web by storm. And of course you get to download all your favourite programs right after they happen. And if you break the law in a crazy rock n’ roll fashion like me and use torrents then you don’t even get any ads. And you get programs in HD too. It’s better than being at home as you don’t have Channel Five. That is the brilliance of today’s fast and crazy broadband world. And I should say to any legal type dudes reading this that I do have a TV license in the UK still so I’m not really breaking the law really.

I know I mentioned this gubbins on the 30th April. Don't worry blog fans I'm not running out of ideas by covering the same ground. It's always good to have recuring themes and a story arc. It's what Russell T. Davies does in Doctor Who and he is the best TV writer ever.

What I am getting to is that because of the interweb I have been able to keep up with Doctor Who. I was a bit worried that I would miss my favourite program by moving here, or I would have to watch it on the sci-fi channel. This would be rubbish as they have it three weeks later and it has adverts. And they make edits and cuts. Instead I get up on Sunday morning (by which time the torrent is ready to download) and within ten minutes it’s ready to watch on the trusty old macbook. Emma and I have our breakfast (normally toasted cinnamon and raisin bagels, with freshly made coffee), we do some ichats and then it’s Doctor Who time.

This week I was more excited than ever. It was the first part of the series finale and I knew lots of returning characters were back, including the creator of the Daleks, my mate Dave Ross. I watched liked an enthralled school boy. I was whopping with joy throughout the entire thing. It was so great and amazing I was on cloud nine afterwards. I’m not sure how good cloud nine is, but if it has Doctor Who finales like this then I want to visit it every day of my life. It was honestly the best fifty minutes television I have ever witnessed. I watched it again before I went to bed it was so good.

After Doctor Who I had to calm down. Luckily I had the European Championship final to watch. I am not a fan of international football for the simple reason that it isn’t as good technically as the Premiership. How can it be? A top club team that plays together fifty times a year will always be better than a top international team that plays ten times a year (with different players most of the time). If Man Utd played Spain tomorrow I think the mancs would win four times out of five. And as time has gone on the players take internationals less seriously and the Champions League has taken precedent

Having said this I love a tournament. I adore the excitement and sense of occasion an international shindig like the Euros can bring. And if it has no England in it with their boorish, idiotic, flag waving fans then all the better. It is for this reason that Euro 2008 has been skill. A lot of teams have actually played football rather than being all negative and boring and it’s been a joy. The final was on at 11:45am here which is perfect as when the game is over I still had the rest of the day to enjoy. I was pleased to see Spain win because even though he was a sub most of time Cesc Fabregas (who plays for Arsenal) was the best player in the tournament by a mile. This meant that as far as I was concerned Arsenal won the thing.

After the Doctor Who and Football fest Emma and I took a walk into town. We went to the ‘Dixons’ of Santa Monica called ‘Circuit City’. We bought some blank DVDs and some paper for the printer. Exciting stuff eh? You can’t say that we aren’t ripping this town up. We did have a delicious frappacino though. And we sat and enjoyed it in the mid day sun. We also discovered a nice deli very near our bungalow that we hadn’t noticed before. We got a few food bits and bobs from there though we stopped ourselves buying sweets.

Speaking of food Emma and I also were invited around a friend of mine from work for dinner. Charissa (who is also a marketing guru like myself) has been brilliant to me since I started at Fox over here.  She is also the only person I have shown my blog to here in L.A. land so I have to say nice things. But in all seriousness she has made working here a relatively easy process. It would have been dead chuffin' difficult otherwise.

It was thus ace to be invited around to her home for dinner and drinks. We had been around before though fact fans. Charissa’s husband is a comic book artist (and very good he is too, I even bought one of his books). One of his friends had an exhibition in a comic book store and we were invited along, and we had drinks and nibbles at Charissa’s beforehand. This time though we had dinner proper and met lots of other great people. It was a jolly nice evening, and I even had a cheeky whisky. The food was lovely too with some delicious salmon being consumed. Yum yum.

I am looking forward to Independence Weekend as we have lots planned. We are going to see L.A. Galaxy again and their Independence Day firework spectacular. We plan to watch a parade in the morning and go the beach too. I shall also spend my birthday money by going on a shopping spree. And finally we are taking our friends Mark and Cerise out to dinner. Due to work last week we couldn’t see them when we had planned to but luckily all should be on for a fun night out this weekend.

On a final note it’s my birthday on Wednesday. I have told nobody here which will make things easier as I find birthdays a bit funny and weird. I love other peoples but not my own. I like being center of attention (though perhaps less and less as the years trundle on) but only on my terms. I don’t like it when I’m told to be. I actually have a shoot first thing so I have to be up at about six am and I won’t get to check my emails until three pm at least. By that time everyone in the UK will be going to bed and my birthday will be over for another year. Thirty Two I shall be? That is flippin’ bonkers.

Tune in again on Friday for another ‘classic’ blog which I shall upload.

Marc xx

P.s. If you are into podcasts I really recommend the new Stephen Fry podgram. He delivers a quite brilliant lecture on the BBC and how it fits into the modern media world. It’s a lot more interesting than I make it sound.

Blast From The Past

Hello there everyone,

Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed a lot more traffic on this site. I have therefore been using Google analytics to see where people are reading this from. I like to think of us as all of Earth's citizens so this is important to me. Last week I had 71 visitors from the U.S.of A, 6 from Portugal, 5 from Malaysia and Sweden, 3 from Mexico, 2 from Australia, Germany and Poland & 1 from the Nertherlands and Italy. I also got a few hundred from the UK but that isn't as exciting.

Anyway for my new fans who have been asking for more entries, and for those who wanted to know more about my life before LA I have decided to use Friday's to post up my 'retro' blog. Back in the day when myspace was cool I used to post my musings there. I only ever updated it every once in a while but the kids loved it. So for the next eight weeks I am going to post some old blog entries. For those of you who read them back in the old days you can enjoy them again.

Today's entry comes from 20 months ago or so. It's all about a weekend away. And everyone loves a weekend away.

See you early next week for a new 'L.A.' posting.

Marc x

12 Sep 2006
Lark In The Parc

I spent the weekend at Center Parcs. People diss the Center Parcs. I think it stems from the TV ad of yesteryear where everyone imagines that you are under a big dome. I think the big dome burnt down years ago. Essentially the truth is that you spend your time in little Villas (though Em and I were in a hotel, but I digress.) and all around you is Woodland. So when you sit in your garden type thingy squirrels, pheasants and ducks all pop along and say hello.

The concept is that you ride a bike around the parc. You therefore cycle to the main section where you have the brill swimming pool, restaurants, sports centre and stuff. When I first went with Jim Bob and family two years ago I wasn't sure I would like it. But we did!

So two years on Emma and I joined Jim Bob, Jakki, Holly and friend Elinor for more Center Parcs fun. In the Villa next to Jim was more of the Morrison clan (cousins and aunties) and Jim's nephew was down the road too. Making their Center Parcs debut, and staying in Mr Bob's villa was Mr. Spoons and soon to be wife, Mrs Spoons. What a crazy combination.

Em and I set off on the Friday morning quite early at 8am. This was because Jim was leaving early so I didn't want him to get there first and have more Center Parcs fun than me. We did though stop off for a Little Chef breakfast. Yum. We arrived late morning and hired our aforementioned bikes. As we were a couple this particular Center Parcs doesn't have a villa for two people. We were thus in the Lakeview hotel. It was very nice indeed and as we were on the ground floor we could walk out onto the lake from our room. I spent ages feeding the ducks crisps and jaffa cakes. Though I ate the orange bit off the top of the Jaffa Cakes as I didn't want them to choke. I like ducks.

We soon went swimming. It was at this point I realised I am losing the battle of the bulge. A year ago I was running half marathons. This year I am eating pies. I have always been skinny so I SHALL get back there. I am eating a banana as I type this. (Addition from me 27/07/08 - I have now lost this weight). Apart from me showing off my pot belly swimming was ace. I loved the rapids and the slides. And the wave machine of course. It was in the pool I bumped into the Morrison family. We went on the rapids together for a crazy time of fun and jolity. This would be the first of many times we did that.

After that Em and I went exploring. We ended up at the Country Club where we got some wine and cake. Yum. That evening we all went to the Italian restaurant. It was a very nice evening though the service was shocking. After that we went to the bar and had drink or two. We then cycled back drunk. Everyone has to drink and cycle at Center Parcs. It's the law.

On the Saturday we met up for more swimming. Mr Spoons made quite a splash coming down the steep slide. Jim was wearing his baywatch swimming trunks. He looked a bit like David Hasselhoff. I noticed during swimming that the 'parcs attracts all types. There is quite a lot middle class dudes but also some chav types with England tattoos. I try to avoid these lads on the rapids as they are a bit crazy.

We all then went for pancakes. Everyone had a normal one but I had to be greedy and go for a large size. And I wonder why I am turning into Barry Bethal - before he lost all the weight on the slimfast. The ladies then went line dancing (!) whilst Jim and I had a beer and laughed at them through the window. Though to be honest it looked quite good fun. We then played Crazy Golf. I was winning up until the 8th hole when I had a disaster. I couldn't get to grips with the hill and I took 10 shots to do a hole that should have taken six. My main rival Elinor went into the lead, and this bad hole meant I ended up last. I had a little secret cry to myself.

Em and I then went on a bike ride, but sadly Em fell of her bike going down a steep hill I didn't attempt and she cut herself in a few places. She was rock n'roll though and carried on with the ride. I was dead impressed.

That night we went for a curry which was diddy delicious. And the service was better too. We then went 10 pin bowling. I started off with a 'spare' (a strike with your two goes) but I was a bit sporadic from this point. On some goes I got nothing, but I also got two more 'spares'. I did though do some dancing if I hit a good shot, and I even fell over once. I did it again for comic effect too. Luckily Emma was a bit more consistent and we came 2nd. Mr and Mrs Spoons easily won. Jim and Jakki got 3rd, and Holly and Elinor came 4th. They won't mind me saying (and it is rich coming from me) but they were the worst bowlers I have ever seen. Being good at Crazy Golf doesn't make you good at bowling I though to myself!

The next day we all met up for three hours pampering at the Spa. Before that Em and I went for breakfast at 'Chez Pierre'. Though they were so rude and slow I stormed off in a huff. This was a blessing in disguise as we went to the hotel in the restaurant. Which was amazing. The sausages were the best I have ever tasted. And the restaurant span around as you were eating so you got an amazing panoramic view of the lakes.

Back to the spa. It is amazing. It does cost £30 but its worth it. You basically walk into all manner of steam rooms and saunas, it also has this massage swimming pool thing, a Japanese Zen garden and even beds to lie down and to think about things. The only problem with it was that it opened up my pores to such an extent I now have lots of spots on my forehead. And I have a big forehead. I do like swanning around in my big robe though looking like I am Eddie Big Bananas.

We then had a mid afternoon BBQ back at the Morrison's gaff, with Mr. Spoons cooking all the meat. It was very nice. After a few drinks we went late night swimming. The rapids were ace in the dark. It was then back to the bar for Cocktails. Though I was short changed. I ordered the same one as Elinor and she got twice as much as me. Emma got a strawberry dakari that was lovely, and Holly got a lot of cream and baileys. I really wanted that one but told myself that I couldn't. I shouldn't moan though as Mr. Bob treated me and Emma to these cocktails. He also paid for our bowling. He is a good boss, when he isn't beating me.

We then had more drinks around the Morrison's where we had a game of charades. How rock n' roll is that? I told some more of my great anecdotes about working for a top TV channel and before I knew it, it was bed time. Em and I did plan to go swimming again and on the boats but we overslept and I realised I had some stuff to do for my college course. So we went home.

The end.

Pawns, Prawns and Porn (though technically there is no porn but you have to think of search engine optimisation for the web hits)

Emma and I don’t have much to report this week dearest blog reader. Don’t get me wrong we are still having a superb time. But do you really want to hear about us going to the beach again? Have we not bored you enough with our tales of mooching around the finest shops, eating nice lunches and enjoying the sunset? We will be having some adventures and exploring new parts of L.A. soon, but not this week. You will have to wait until then for those great anecdotes.

I actually would like to mention that we did play chess on the beach this weekend. This was brilliant. On Santa Monica beach they have benches and tables with chess boards on. The idea is that you bring your own pieces and you have a nice relaxing game in the sunshine. On Sunday after I had spoke to my Mum via webcam (!) Emma and I thus had a short walk to the beach where we set up our game. Emma is new to the world of chess so it was more about learning for her. She is picking it up quickly and it won’t be long before I am properly challenged.

It does annoy me that I am not as good as I used to be. I was probably at my chess peak at around ten years of age. I was a member of Chess Club back then (yep, I’ve always been dead cool). My Grandad taught me how to play and we would spend hours on a Sunday afternoon trying to outwit each other. I don’t think I ever won or gave him much of a proper match as he was brilliant. But I was taught well enough to easily beat my friends. I do want to get good at it again though, especially since Emma got me a lovely chess set. Anyway, our game on the beach was superb and a great way to spend Sunday. We even got properly made lemonade each from the kiosk type thing. This was delicious and most refreshing.

One thing I have been doing this week is some research. Now this bit of the blog isn’t really about L.A. but it is about life dear reader, so hopefully it will be of interest to you. I have been attempting to investigate how many vegetarians there are in the world. There is a lot of conflicting information, and differing poll results. It’s a minefield trying to find out the truth. Not literally otherwise you would end up with no legs, and then fellow missing legger Heather Mills would visit for some charity work. In a nutshell though it seems the UK has around six percent of people being veggies (not eating meat or fish is the barometer) and the U.S. has a measly three percent.

When you look at the world’s most populated countries (China, India, United States, Indonesia and Brazil) only one of them has a large vegetarian population, which is India. Almost a third of the Indian population is completely vegetarian. However, the percentage of vegetarians in China and Brazil is practically Barry Zero. In a survey conducted in Hong Kong, of these dudes only 1.5% consider themselves vegetarians. Apart from us Brits (and the Dutch who reckon 4.4% of them are veggie) there are hardly any vegetarians in Europe. France has 0.9% and the Germans have 1.2%. And best not be a veggie in Poland as only 0.2% of those crazy ex commies commit to not eating meat.

Summing up the stats then, even if you include India, you can assume that ten percent of the world’s population or less is vegetarian. There are more gays and left handed people (of which I am one. A left hander that is, not a gay). I reckon if you count dudes who eat fish it may go up to twenty percent but to me fish are just as much meat as a chicken is. In fact fish are fantastic. Fish are some the most beautiful animals in the world and are certainly more attractive and better than ugly old chickens. When I went snorkeling in the Maldives I saw some of the best fish in the world. Snorkelling is brilliant, how rubbish would it be without fish? Anyway, I digress.

Why am I going on about this you may ask yourself? It’s because I am wrestling with myself dear reader. Not in a physical way. I am not practicing to join the WWE, unlike my brother when he was thinking about turning into ‘Shawn Jonson’ (see previous post for more info). Some days I feel guilt ridden about eating animals. And on other days I think that we humans are the big daddies and we can eat what we like. And then I watch a program about how most animals are farmed and I feel sick and I go back to feeling bad again. But then I have a chicken sandwich and it’s so delicious in my tum tum that I forget about the horrid farming. So, as veggies are small in number in reality, do I join this minority, or just carry on (even with a niggling feeling at the back of my bonce).

I haven’t eaten red meat for about a month. And as it stands I don’t plan to again. I tried this before but I forgot and had a burger. I’m even more serious now though. If I was a popstar I would call my album on the subject “But, Seriously” had Phil Collins not got there first a few years back. Even though I haven’t made my mind up whether eating meat is indeed evil I do know that I couldn’t kill a cow, sheep or pig myself. I love cows and think they are skill. I could quite happily kill a chicken though. Not for fun you understand, but if I was a farmer or something I could do it I think. So my current view is if you can’t kill it, then don’t eat it. That phrase reminds me of the mantra my old boss Tony Jones used to say “If it’s not measurable, It’s not manageable”. Interesting eh?

Part of me doesn’t want to be vegetarian though. I have decided I can live (just about) without bacon and sausages. They taste amazing but I can cope with the veggie versions. It isn’t the same but it will do. I love the taste of meat, especially the lovely little fishes, and I like going to nice restaurants. Most top chefs or ace restaurants don’t cater really for veggies, so if you don’t eat fish or chicken at least then you are scuppered. If I become a proper veggie I will miss out on so many great dishes. Food is one of my most favourite things in the world. Am I being silly depriving myself of things I really like?

So the question is, do I join the ten percent of the world that don’t eat meat? I don’t think I will for now. In very simplistic terms though I am not going to eat what I couldn’t kill. I have decided that. Emma doesn’t eat meat but she eats fish. I will join her in that and just add poultry into the mix, as turkeys are ugly little shits as well. If you have a view about all this post it below. I don't want to encourage an argument as I think we should all love each other. But a gentle mass debate is always nice.

As well as having a think about what I put in my body I have been getting stuck into my job. It’s getting really interesting now and I am working on some TV shows that I really like, and could do very well. The only bad thing about work is that they have a softball team. I am always a fan of getting involved in work activities. I think you should show willing by mixing with your work colleagues whether it be for a drink or for a planned activity. The only trouble with this is that I know I would be so terrible at softball. My co-ordination at sport isn’t the best. I am fit and can run and fun, just don't ask me to do anything other than that! I doubt I could hit the ball and as for catching it… I’m going to have to play soon though. Any advice dear readers? I think I should just do it and not worry about being a laughing stock. That is easier said than done eh? The written word, whilst vibrant and wonderful does not suffer the slings and arrows of the softball. or something...

Have a lovely week,

Marc x

p.s. Happy Birthday Becky Rice. I hope you have fabtastic day.

It's life gym, but not as we know it.

Jeremy was the last of our quartet of visitors dear readers. After having the ace company of Vicki and Gary, Mr. and Mrs. Furness, The Family Morrison and the aforementioned Jeremy we have now been left to our own devices (just like The Pet Shop Boys in fact). This is until Les and the mighty Abdoujaparov come and play a gig in L.A. in the middle of July. To be honest our lack of visitors now has happened at a good time as we don’t have the means to entertain. Unfortunately whilst Emma has a job ready to go to she doesn’t have a work permit. We were told it would take two or three months for the permit to come through. Sadly it looks closer to four months due to backlogs and shenanigans at the immigration place. Typical eh? This means we have to be a bit careful with the old Barry Cash and we can’t go to restaurants every day for our tea. Which I think is a disgrace quite frankly.

This isn’t a terrible thing though. Emma has made me some lovely dinners, the sun has been shining and Euro 2008 has been skill. And we have enough money to join our local gym. During our first two months, when we were in the apartment complex there was a free gym for us residents. We went all the time and it was fab. Now, though, it’s time to keep up with the fitness freaks and to carry on the training. Emma found a good one half way between my work and home. And apparently Britney Spears visits this brand of gyms too. The cruel amongst you might say she needs to work out and go to the gym more often, but I think there is something quite lovely about a little out of shape Ms. Spears. People said she looked fat at the MTV awards the other month, I think she looked fine. It was just her performance that was rubbish.

Anyway we have signed up and have been three times so far in a week. I hope we keep it up because you do feel much better about yourself after exercise. I imagine the endorphins you get when you finish a workout is quite similar to the high you get from something like heroin. Heroin doesn’t make you fit and healthy though and it can give you the AIDS amongst other bad things. Having said this heroin does make you lose the weight without the effort of working out. Have you seen that many fat heroin addicts? Exactly! I think it might put you off your food as you are too busy chasing dragons. If this is the case it’s a rubbish drug as food is brilliant. And shouldn’t someone tell the heroin users that dragons don’t exist, and that they are mythological creatures? Anyway, if I combine this with my runs on the beach I will be superfit. I worked out I ran over thirty miles last week. Crazy eh? I love running so much. I don’t care if it’s outside or on a treadmill. Once you push past the pain there is nothing like it. You get in this zone type thing and just go for it like a crazy mutha. I shall shut up about running now, as it’s a bit boring for you to read about maybe. It is skill though.

On our first visit to the gym Emma was changed already. I was in my work clothes so I needed to go into the locker rooms. Emma asked me to put her handbag (which was the colour red) in my locker. I walked in carrying this handbag and I couldn’t have looked any more gay. At least three men glared at me in a very strange way. They thought I was a young Quentin Crisp no doubt. I should have pretended to be Oscar Wilde and said “A Handbag” in a posh English accent. That would have both of scared and confused them. I told Emma she had to get her own locker in the future to preserve my masculinity.

I do so hate changing rooms. They remind me of P.E. lessons when I was about eleven at school. Mr. Arnott was a typical sadistic PE teacher who used to make us have naked cold showers after our P.E. lessons. If we didn’t stay in the water long enough he would flick our bottoms with a towel. I don’t think it was anything sexual, he was just a sadistic maniac. I hated the coldness of the shower, I didn’t much care for Mr. Anott flicking my bottom, and the fact that boys like Richard Elias has started puberty, and would laugh at us boys that hadn’t was annoying too. My changing room views aren’t helped that when in my gym back in London a work colleague (who has since been sacked as he was a freak) used to insist on talking to me naked. He would sit there, on the bench thing near the lockers, with his legs akimbo as he causally toweled himself. As he was doing this he would regale me with dull work chat quite matter of factly which I found dead weird. One day though I couldn’t help but notice his member. Yes, I know I’ve mentioned looking at penis’ again. But trust me, even the biggest homophobe in the world would have to have seen it, it was the size of a snake on steroids. It’s no wonder he liked to show it off. I used to make sure though after this our gym times didn’t correspond.

Emma and I also went to our weekly trip to the cinema. We saw ‘The Happening’ which was by that Shalyman dude. Let me tell you now that it is rubbish. It says a lot when Marky Mark is the best thing in a film. I love M. Night’s (as his friends call him) films. Even ‘The Village’ I liked a lot (which the dullsville critics hated). The twist with this film though was that it there wasn't really one. I like his crazy twists at the end so I was most upset. We are seeing the new Hulk film this week. I adored the Ang Lee one, even though people hated it as it actually had a plot, so I‘m hoping for good things.

We also saw ‘No Country For Old Men’ on our Time Warner Video On Demand (which is like Sky Box Office but you can watch films any time you like rather than when the Sky people tell you). I was put off the Coen Bros when I saw a film about two fat men bowling a lot and saying ‘dude’ for no reason throughout. The critics and film lovers thought it was ace though sadly I didn’t get it (‘The Big Lebowski’ it was called. ‘The Big Pile of Poo’ more like). I have since told everyone how rubbish these Coen Cats are and thus I have not seen their films. This was brilliant though, so if you haven’t seen it then do. And it proves I jump to conclusions too quickly.

In other exciting news my favourite pair of shoes got a hole in the sole. They cost me a fair bit as I bought them for my wedding. I was upset for this reason, but also because they looked so ace and I hadn’t seen any other shoes I liked as much. Could I afford another pair the same? My acetastic wife got on the case and found this brilliant shoe repairer man in Santa Monica. Apparently he took a look at my shoes and said how nice they were (what a man of taste) but that I was a naughty man for letting the soles get in that state. Anyway he has repaired them and has basically given me a new pair of shoes for hardly anything. I think he is one of the greatest men in L.A. And I have the bestest wife for finding him.

I think I have gone on long enough. Hopefully soon I can tell you all about our trips to other places on the West Coast. That is the plan readers. I feel L.A. has been explored somewhat and we can now give you guides to other fab places nearby.

Over and out!
Marc x

p.s. For all the Robbie William's fans still reading this I have a bit of trivia for you. The picture above of me 'boxing' was taken in a ring in East London. It was where the video for Take That's 'It Only Takes A Minute' was shot. Amazing eh?

I'm loving angels instead.

Hello there,

I will do a 'proper' posting later in the week. I should mention though that my weekly hits went up last week into the thousands (I reckon). My story of Robbie Williams at the Russell Brand gig went around the interweb like wildfire, and before you could say "Let Me Entertain You" I was having to defend myself to lots of Robbie Williams' fans. Having said that it does make for acetastic reading and the comments are still raging. If you haven't already check out the postings under my last entry. If you have a few hours to spare that is.

And to all the Robbie Williams' fans that are still here can I apologise for the picture above? I thought it would be a little bit of fun and hopefully you like the new look I have given to the 5th best member of Take That (joke!).

See you later on when normal service is resumed and nobody is reading this apart from me and my mum (and even she says she doesn't read it all).

marc x

Fancy a wrestle?

Emma and I like our visitors and for the last week we have had another one in the form of Jeremy Hammett. The Jezmeister (as all the cool kids call him) arrived last Monday evening and since then it’s was a non-stop social whirl. Listed today are three great things that we did before Jeremy sadly left on Monday.

Jeremy is a fan of the American Wrestling. It used to be called the WWF until the World Wildlife Fund got cross and sued them. It’s now called WWE fact fans, with the ‘E’ not meaning a drug. Oh no, it means ‘Entertainment’. Anyway as a youth I quite liked the WWF. I used to watch it on Sky and even I knew it wasn’t ‘real’ I liked all the crazy storylines, the showbiz and even the fact that some of the wrestlers got injured. Some even died! Yep – it may be fake but it’s ruddy dangerous. This dude called Owen Hart did a move that went wrong a few years back and broke his neck live on the TV. Horrid eh? Back in 1992 they held ‘Summerslam’ in the UK (one of their big events). It was at Wembley Stadium and 82,000 tickets sold out in minutes. Luckily my brother and I managed to get some. His favourite wrestler was Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart (who is now recovering from a stroke). My favourite was Davey Boy Smith – The British Bulldog (who is now dead from a heart attack). They were fighting each other in the main event for The Intercontinental Belt (which is a bit like the F.A. Cup was when it meant something. E.g. an ace cup to win but not as good as the league). The British Bulldog won! (funny that with the fight being in Britain eh?) I was happy and poor Jon was distraught.

Over the last sixteen years I haven’t really watched much wrestling though. I discovered girls and to be honest I would much rather see them wrestle than some steroid pumped maniac of a man. Jeremy has stayed a fan of wrestling though (whilst maintaining an interest in the opposite sex too it should be said). He therefore suggested that it might be good to see its weekly show ‘Smackdown’. This was being filmed at the 20,000 capacity Staples Centre in Downtown LA. I agreed! Live events are always great fun and it was something different to do. And do you know what? It was ruddy brilliant. It was great looking at the kids home made banners, hearing all the crazy Americans go mental and watching these bonkers characters have pretend fights. The three hours went dead quick and I was sad when it ended. There was one bad bit though when I chucked my beer over me and Jeremy. Some fireworks went off and it was so loud that I jumped ten feet out of my chair. My beer went everywhere. Some annoying seven year old brat next to me said “You didn’t want to do that man”. Some small tiny part of me would have loved to have biffed the annoying, precocious brat on the nose.

Friday night saw us heading into Hollywood to check out some of the nightlife. Jeremy had found a place for us to visit called ‘The Echo’. On Friday nights it had live bands mixed in with DJ’s playing a barrage of indie tunes. The venue was just like one back home and I liked being there. Both of the bands were total rubbish but it didn’t really matter. I was happy to be out and about, drinking a beer and watching some live music. I also had a dance to Morrissey at the end of the evening which is always is good thing. I had five drinks over five hours. The barman thought I was a crazy alcoholic. I thought I was pacing myself and being rather sensible. That is LA for you. I will say though that it’s a myth that all LA women are obsessed with image and looks. There were a lot of women in that place who I don’t think looked in a mirror that often. I’m not being rude or anything, but they didn’t seem bothered that they looked a bit like a tramp. All power to the tramp ladies I say!

On the Sunday evening we went to see Russell Brand do a stand up gig. It was at a place called ‘The Roxy’ which is an indie gig venue/theatre. It’s quite small (holds about 300 when people are seated) but a really ace place all the same. It’s on Sunset Strip near ‘The Viper Rooms’ and ‘Whiskey A Go Go fact fans’. Anyway the show was packed and was about 80% full of women all of whom wanted to do it with Russell Brand (including Emma who seemed to take a shine to him in the flesh!).

He was dead funny though and it was a brilliant show. I really like Russell Brand, his radio show is brilliant and his autobiography is a joy. His life has been packed full of incident and he writes about it in such a witty and verbose way. He has an amazing grasp of what you can do with the English language and his prose zips off the page. His stand-up is similar in that he can go from sounding like an Essex yob one minute to Oscar Wilde at his most ostentatious the next.

The thing was though that when going for a pee just before Russell came on I realized Robbie Williams was going for a widdle next to me. He was looking a bit worse for wear and had greasy hair and was a bit chubby. I didn’t say anything to him as I was being cool and things (in my new Abercrombie and Fitch gear that all us LA dudes wear). I was going to have a quick look whilst he was weeing, but not in a gay way but just to see what size it was for curiosity value. I bottled out though which in retrospect was the right thing to do. Imagine forever having the image of Robbie William’s penis imprinted in your mind! I would rather see Gary Barlows’ (who is more famous over here anyway).

Robbie was sat behind me during the show and was obviously a bit cross that nobody knew who he was (apart from a few English dudes there). He kept on standing up and being really loud in order to be recognized (when everyone else was sat down). When this didn’t happen I don’t think he knew what to do. For some reason I briefly felt a bit sorry for Robbie Williams. Without fame I don’t think he could cope. He is a man who craves attention, so he can subsequently moan about the attention, but take away the attention and he wants the attention. A vicious circle methinks. I might change my name to Joseph Heller and write a book about it called ‘Catch 22’.

After the show a queue of girls all waited to have sex with Russell Brand and not Robbie Williams. Russell Brand, before going over to his harem, had a chat with Robbie Williams and the conversation looked awkward. I think Robbie wanted to be his friend but Russell didn’t want to know, and just wanted to do it with some ladies. Crazy eh?

Until next time,
Marc x

P.S. We also went to watch LA Galaxy again. We won 3-2 and it was just as good as last time. I think Jeremy loved it. David Beckham is ten billion times better than anyone else though.

P.P.S Shout outs to birthday boys Jon Ollington and Gary Eastwood. And not forgetting birthday ladies Sinead Taylor, and reaching middle age, Laura Miller. 

P.P.P.S Speaking of wrestling (as I was earlier) my brother once thought of going to wrestling school in the US. At the time he was about 16 and needed to bulk up a bit. He thus bought some of that muscle powder and everything. He was going to call himself Shawn Johnson. Sadly Jon never did become a wrestler or, indeed, Shawn Johnson.

Great Danes Of Fire

As I spent the last entry writing about my yet unrecorded songs I haven’t really been focusing on life here. This is perhaps a mistake as I think people visit this blog as they miss Emma and I so much. I think a lot of you cry every day that Emma and I are not there with you in Blighty and as such you need to hear our news. I do apologise therefore for my digression into the working of my music mind last week. Actually I shouldn’t really apologise because it can’t be the same old jazz every time. And it was good for me to find out that 77% of you want me to release my songs. For the 23% of you who don’t then all I can say is carry on buying albums by ‘Scouting For Girls’ (who are probably not in fashion back home. I’m not sure anymore as here in L.A. Duran Duran are still cool). But anyway I digress. What I’m trying to say is that this entry is all about Los Angeles again.

Since the last update existence has once again been a stream train who has not stopped chugging. I visited some more places with the in-laws including a Danish town in California called ‘Solvang’. That is right readers – A Danish town! It was the weirdest place I have ever been too. It was like a little toy town type place with funny buildings and an abundance of quaint cafes. It was meant to be famous for its gingerbread so we went to a café and I got a gingerbread fire engine. It wasn’t freshly made on the premises which made me a bit cross. It was good to visit Solvang but I would rather live in Milton Keynes than live there. It was too weird and it felt like I was in a TV show where I had been banished to a strange land. We also went to Santa Barbara, and a nearby vineyard to do some wine tasting. This was ace as I like wine a lot. I don’t know much about it to be truthful but in years to come I would like to know how to taste wine properly and things. Emma’s Dad knows all about wine tasting, he can swirl it around a glass and look like he knows what he is looking for. It was a bit of a shame that he was driving for this trip so everyone could taste apart from him. Another one of lifes rich ironies I thought to myself. Emma bought Mr. Furness some chocolates to make up for it but it didn’t really cut the mustard.

When the in-laws left (that left Emma and I rather sad as we had lots of fun adventures with them) it was time to prepare ourselves for our move. We were departing the Oakwood Apartments for our little bungalow that Emma had found in Santa Monica. I was lucky boy as Emma moved us in when I was in work. So one day I went to work from one house and then I arrived back at another with everything unpacked and looking nice. I was able to relax on the sofa right away and watch ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ on our HD flatscreen that was part of the flat. I have the best wife in the world ever it has to be said. Emma has also set up our mac airport express thing which means we are wireless and our computer is connected to our ace speakers. We can also watch our UK programs we download on the interweb on our proper telly. That is the bomb. I am not looking forward to Emma working again which should happen soon. When only one person in a couple works it means the other can do lifes other tasks. It therefore leaves the rest of the time as just ace fun times together. I wish we could afford for just one of us to have a job all the time.

After a week of enjoying life in our new bungalow we prepared ourselves for the Swiss Family Morrison’s visit. Jim (Bob), Jakki and Holly all came to stay. They were to spend five days with us before visiting Mark and Cerise (mentioned in a previous LA blog entry fact fans). We planned lots of things for them to do including a trip to the cinema to watch Indiana Jones 4 (which I thought was ace), bowling (I got my top score ever of 94. This may sound rubbish but it included a strike. I get a few pins down every time these days and it never goes down the gutter. This is a huge improvement for me). Emma won two games but Jim won the first game and got the days highest score which was about 130 and included strikes aplenty. I think I came 3rd out of the five of us in every game.

American cinemas are ace by the way. As I said there are no adverts, just a crazy warm up man who whips the audience into a frenzy before the film starts.

One of the acetastic things we did do was go to Universal Studios. Since I have written this some of it has burnt down fact fans. This is typical as Emma and I bought annual passes for a bargain fiver each! It is good there though, and the new ‘Simpsons’ ride is excellent. Jim also won us an almost lifesize Spiderman by chucking some balls into the holes. You aren’t meant to win these games and the park lady looked shocked when Jim pulled this off. I love theme parks, I really do. We did do things of culture as well as life can’t just be fun. We went to ‘The Griffith Observatory’ which is perhaps the best thing I have ever been too in my life. It’s hard to describe the show but basically for this part you sit in this big dome and watch the most amazing history of the universe on this big ceiling. It was wonderful and I learnt more in this thirty minutes than I did of five years of boring science at school. I want to go again to see the show (which has a live host) but also to look at the exhibits more. I saw a bit of the moon that I was thrilled about. Jakki said that it was just a bit of rock but I loved the fact that it was a piece of the moon. This place really is skill. It was closed for years and has only just re-opened so lots of dudes at work haven’t been. It has been dead good talking about something in their town that they haven’t done.

We also went around Mark and Cerise’s for dinner on Tuesday and Thursday. Both dinners were lovely, and I had some delicious wine too.

The Morrison’s went on Friday. Emma was using our car to take them back to the airport so I decided to walk the four miles home from work. People don’t walk much here but I wanted to listen to my podcasts, enjoy the evening sun and take a stroll. So walk I did and it was ruddy lovely.

We decided to have a quiet weekend as we have another visitor, young Jeremy, arriving Monday night. On Saturday we went into Santa Monica for a bit of lunch and Emma persuaded me to watch ‘Sex In The City’ with her. They had a massive line outside the cinema with only about ten hen pecked husbands in it but I agreed to go providing Emma got the popcorn. The film was actually ok as there was quite a lot of sex scenes, and it was fun to see a packed cinema wee themselves over a program I know little about. Sarah Jessica Parker’s mole/spot thing on her face does make me feel a bit sick though and I have to squint whenever it comes into focus. On Sunday we went to the beach. We read our books in the lovely sunshine and I managed to fall asleep and burn the back of my legs even though I had factor forty on. I am tanned a bit though, I have a lot more colour than I did back in England. I then went for a run along the beach that was great. I felt dead alive afterwards. Emma then made a lovely lemon prawn risotto for dinner. I watched Doctor Who and An Audience With Neil Diamond, both of which were excellent.

See you next time blog fans.
Marc x