The Next Doctor

I woke up on Wednesday morning and my ear really hurt dear reader. I couldn’t hear out of it and it was dead painful. At first I thought that I had a build up of wax and it would need a good syringe. I have small ear canals so this is something I have to deal with a lot (amazing fact for you there). This would mean though that I would have to see a Doctor. Before you can get your ears syringed you need to be checked by a GP first, he then prescribes some drops to prepare the ear, and then a week later you can see a nurse for the procedure.

My problem here was that I didn’t have a Doctor in LA. My work have paid for top medical insurance for Emma and I but in nine months we have never used it. I now had to put this insurance to the test, and in the process find a doctor.

This was easier said than done. I had to email my insurers who are based in Germany. They then put me in touch with a medical company in the US who eventually emailed me some Doctors I could use. I then had to research these crazy cats to find a good one. I eventually found one that was nearby that seemed to have good reviews, and made an appointment for that lunch time.

When I got to the surgery I was relieved to find a nice, clean and modern building. I know LA isn’t the third world but you can never be sure what you are going to get. I wasn’t prepared for the amount of forms I would have to fill in on my arrival though. I had to sign about twenty zillion of them and then we had to do things like speak to my insurance company on the phone to get full authorization. It took what seemed like hours. I realized that for all the NHS failings it is an amazing thing when you think about it. There is very little form filling-in involved back home. Admittedly it takes you ten days to get an appointment rather than ten minutes, but that isn’t the point.

As I was filling in my last form I noticed on the wall some photographs of my new Doctor. One was of him stood with Ronald Reagan, in another he was with George Bush Senior, but the big photo on display was of the younger George Bush with his arm firmly around the doctor. George had signed it “Thanks for your continued support of the Republican Party, George”. Could I let this man examine my ear if he loved George Bush? I decided to forget his political affiliations as he had lots of impressive looking certificates on the wall, including some for plastic surgery.

Before he looked at my ear the Doctor wanted to give me a health check. This made me cross as I hate having that blood pressure machine put on your arm. When they start to pump it I feel all weird. If I’m honest I get a bit squeamish at anything medical, including the blood pressure machine. This is why I visit the doctor about once a year maximum (and this is mainly just to get my ears syringed as I have mentioned). Anyway, my blood pressure was spot on, as was my heart, weight and lung capacity. A Ronnie Result I thought to myself. Surely that would be it?

He then hit the bombshell that it was about time I had a blood test to check for high cholesterol and diabetes. Getting diabetes is my worst fear in the world. As some of you know I am terrified of needles to the point of silliness. I think it all stems from having an operation as a boy. I remember lying in the hospital bed, all weak and pathetic, while being in so much pain from constant injections. The nurse was really horrible and did them very badly, missing the vein most times. Now if I look at a needle on the TV I will faint if I don’t turn away quick enough. Even writing this has made me feel weird. And my fear gets worse the older I get.

So, not only would I have to have a blood test to check for this (which terrifies me beyond belief) but in the back of my head I am always convinced that I will end up with diabetes. How would I inject myself? I’d pass out before I did it. Anyway I told him I didn’t like needles and he said he would be very careful with me when it came to the blood test. I have to have this done on ruddy Christmas Eve. I should do it though as I haven’t had my blood tested for years. I bet I worry all Christmas that I have diabetes. It will be a long wait for the results…

He also looked up my nose and asked me if I sneezed a lot. I sneeze all the time over here but it has never bothered me as I like sneezing. It’s not a bad sensation; in fact it’s quite nice. I told him that I do indeed sneeze all the time, and how Kelly Jackson (who sits near my office) shouts out “Bless you” whenever I do it. I then shout out “Thank you”. We do this about ten times a day. He didn’t seem that bothered with this great story. Instead he told me that I was allergic to LA! Apparently by body hasn’t yet got used to the air and my nose and sinuses have been constantly inflamed for a while. I’m sure London is worse pollution wise, but he gave me a prescription for it anyway. I hope my sneezes don’t stop totally.

That is the problem with going to the doctors. You walk in with a bad ear, and come out with an allergy and potential diabetes!

Anyway he eventually checked my ears after looking at the rest of my body (and making more money for himself by arranging blood tests). It turned out that my ear didn’t have too much wax after all! Instead I had an ear infection and a cold in the ear. And not only that he told me that the cold would soon spread. And it ruddy well has and I feel rubbish. Typical! And it’s just before I break up for Christmas too.

I hope you have enjoyed hearing about my first ever trip to a Doctor’s in LA. It’s this kind of thing that makes this blog so special!

Marc x